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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25013203">A whole family</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur'>herilaveur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:22:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25013203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm gay.''  -&gt; my vision of what happens right after Victor comes out of the closet. </p><p>His family reacts very badly and he runs away from home. He doesn't want to drag Benji into his misery, so he calls Simon. He doesn't expect to be propelled into the Spier family where he discovers Jack, the clumsy father, Emily, the loving mother and Nora, the older sister who isn't really good at cooking... and a new world opens up for Victor.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>373</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. At home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Victor slams the apartment door behind him. And even when the door is closed, he hears his parents screaming. So he runs away. He walks out of the building and tturns around to take one last look at the house. He never feel like at home there again. He runs up the street. He needs to put as much distance between him and his parents as possible. He wants to try to forget their disgusted faces. Try to forget what they said.</p><p>He stops when his breathing stops following him. He looks behind him but no one is following him. He pulls out his phone shaking and sighs. He can't call Benji. He tells him he's ready to get out. He told him he wouldn't send him back in the closet. He doesn't want to drag him down with him. He doesn't want Benji to face a coming-out again, especially if it goes bad. And right now, it's going really badly.  </p><p>Pilar tries to call him, but he lets the call end. Victor hesitates and calls Simon. He told him he could call him anytime, especially in an emergency. And frankly, it is an emergency. It's 10:00 on a Friday night, Simon must not be sleeping.</p><p>There are two rings and then a cheerful voice answers, much to Victor's relief. He already feels a little less lonely.</p><p>''Hi, Victor?''</p><p>It's not Simon. Victor recognizes him right away. It's Bram. </p><p>"Victor, are you there?"</p><p>Victor sobs and tries to catch his breath to be able to talk.</p><p>"Yes. I..."</p><p>He bursts into tears again.</p><p>''Wait, Simon's in the kitchen, I'm in the bedroom. Breathe easy, Victor. Just breathe out. Breathe in."</p><p>Victor closes his eyes and concentrates on Bram's voice.</p><p>''Simon, baby, put it down, please, it's Victor.''</p><p>Victor hears the sound of a pot or frying pan and whispered words, but he doesn't try to listen to them.</p><p>''Victor? Can you hear me?"</p><p>Victor reopens his eyes and sits down on the first bench that finds it.</p><p>''I told them... To my family...I kissed Benji... Mia saw it... My parents, they...I am..."</p><p>Victor cried again, putting his face in his hands.</p><p>''Victor listens to me. I don't understand everything. I need you to talk to me. Slowly, Victor. Take it from the top. Breathe in slowly."</p><p>Victor breathes in and dries his tears. He starts walking again, trying not to break down again.</p><p>"Explain to us from the beginning. You went to the dance with Mia, didn't you?" Simon asks softly.</p><p>"Yes. Benji left his boyfriend and we kissed."</p><p>Victor hears many cries of joy and realizes that Simon must have put him on speakerphone. It makes him feel like he's in the middle of the apartment with them and it's heartwarming.</p><p>''It's great news. We're all very happy for you,'' says Simon. And Victor can almost hear his smile on the phone.</p><p>''Well done, man,'' Justin adds.</p><p>"I can't wait for you to come and see us with him'' Bram says.</p><p>''What's next?'' asks Kim.</p><p>Victor sighs and then breathes in again.</p><p>''He told me he wanted to be with me, but he didn't want to go back in the closet. I told him I was ready to come out. Because I was. I'm ready to come out. Meanwhile, Mia saw us kissing and she's really mad at me."</p><p>"Oh, darling," Ivy says softly, "it's all right, she just needs time. It's hard for her to find out like this."</p><p>"I know," Victor mumbles, "I didn't want it to be like this. None of this."</p><p>There is a great silence on the phone before Simon speaks again.</p><p>''So, have you talked to your family?''</p><p>Victor sighs and wipes the tears from his cheeks.</p><p>''Yes. Except before that, my parents told us they were splitting up. I was gonna blow it off for tonight, and then I realized there's always gonna be some excuse not to say anything. So I looked at them and I said, "I'm gay." My dad insulted me, said I'd been hanging out with Benji and Derek too much. My mom said I wasn't gay, said I was going to go to church to get cured. It was awful. They yelled things that I didn't even understand. I couldn't listen to them or see their disgusted faces, so I left."</p><p>"And where are you now?" Bram asks.</p><p>Victor looks around, he has no idea. He doesn't even know this neighborhood.</p><p>''In the street. I don't want to call Benji because I don't want my coming-out to remind him of his coming-out and drag him down. I don't want our first moment as a couple to be all :<em> I had to run out and rescue my boyfriend</em>. I can't go to Mia's house, and Felix isn't home. Anyway, I'm sure you can hear my parents screaming from his apartment, too. I don't know what to do. I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry."</p><p>''You did very well, Victor.'' Simon says softly, ''Okay. So you send me the coordinates of your phone and don't move, okay. And I'll call you right back. You're going to go to my house. My parents will be thrilled, they've heard so much about you. Not at all, I reassure you. Just that we're friends."</p><p>Victor shakes his head as if Simon can see him.</p><p>"No, I can't."</p><p>"Yes, you will." confirms Simon with a determined voice that Victor didn't know him "at least tonight. Please send me your details, otherwise I'll send my father to do all the streets of the city, and I swear he will. He won't stop until he finds you.''</p><p>Victor hangs up, hesitates but decides that maybe Simon isn't bluffing so he sends him his contact information. His phone rings again right after that.</p><p>''My father's on his way. It's going to be okay, Victor. We're all really, really proud of you."</p><p>''You're amazing, Victor.'' Bram says.</p><p>''I wish I had your courage at your age, Victor.'' Justin said softly.</p><p>Victor spends the next ten minutes listening to the congratulations and encouragement of the New York team. He doesn't even flinch when a black car pulls up in front of him, and he immediately recognizes the man he saw in Simon's picture when his parents went to New York.</p><p>''Your father's here, Simon. I'm gonna hang up."</p><p>''Okay, I'll call you in the morning, Vic. You're safe with my parents. Good luck with my mom, she was a child therapist, she'll totally analyze you. If she puts her head to the side, remind her you're not in therapy. Oh, yeah, and don't let my sister's pancakes fool you. They're very pretty, but she's a terrible cook. And don't pay any attention to what my dad says, he's really clumsy. Okay, I'm stopping because I feel like I'm sending you to the lion's den. But I swear to you, Victor, everything's gonna be okay. They're crazy but lovely."</p><p>Victor hears Bram laughing in the back and that makes him laugh too.</p><p>''A little madness Spier can only do you good'' said Bram, giggling again.</p><p>''Thank you. Thank you, all of you. Call you tomorrow then."</p><p>He gets up, puts his phone in his pocket and approaches the car. </p><p>"Come in, it's cold outside."</p><p>Victor smiles. That's not true, it's quite nice. With that alone, he knows Bram is right. A little Spier madness will do him good.</p><p>''Hello Victor, I'm Jack. Come on, let's go at home."</p><p><em>At Home</em>... Jack's words echo in Victor's head as he realizes he has no home and he starts crying again while Jack's hand is gently resting on his.. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Let's Talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, I was disappointed not to see Nora on the show. Theoretically, if it happens a year after Love, Simon, Nora would be 16... so on my Fic, she's boarding school in Charlotte. I keep two ideas from the book: Nora likes music and I'm referring to Elliott Smith (but Simon wears the Figure 8 T-shirt in the movie so, it works, too from the movie).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"Do you want to talk about it, Victor?"</p><p>Victor looks at Emily tilting her head to the side and it makes him smile, which leaves Emily seemingly perplexed.</p><p>''Simon said you'd do this. Vocational deformation, I guess."</p><p>Jack laughs as he brings in three steaming cups.</p><p>''Simon knows his mother well. Leave him alone, darling."</p><p>He's kissing Emily's cheek as he puts a cup in front of her.</p><p>''My parents insulted me.'' Victor says softly as he looks at the cup Jack puts in front of him. ''They're absolutely disgusted with who I am. My mother thinks I can be healed by religion. That's exactly what I said to Simon the first time I spoke to him: We don't all have open families."</p><p>Jack puts his head down before he lays his hand on his wife's.</p><p>"Did Simon tell you about his coming-out?"</p><p>Victor shakes his head.</p><p>"Actually, no."</p><p>Jack sighs before he looks at Victor with a look of regret.</p><p>"It was Christmas morning. The four of us opened our presents. And then he looked at us seriously and he said : "Actually, there's something I'd like to talk about together". And he seemed nervous and terrified. And you know what I did?"</p><p>Victor looks at him and shakes his head without saying a word.</p><p>''I say <em>Did you get someone pregnant?</em>. I couldn't be further from the truth, could I? And then I said : <em>No, you're pregnant</em>. Honestly, when I think about it now, I feel like slapping myself. He put his head down and he said, "I'm gay." And without looking at us, he said, "I don't want things to change between us or to be seen differently." And when he finally had the courage to look at us, I said, <em>"So you're gay? What ex-girlfriend did that to you?"</em> And then Nora made me shut my big, stupid mouth. And I left."</p><p>Jack sighs, and Victor understands how hard it is for him to go through this again.</p><p>"I'm gone. I'm really ashamed of how I reacted. The truth is, all of a sudden I feel like I don't know my son anymore. And I was afraid for him. It's totally stupid, but the first thing I thought was <em>Oh, my God, what if he gets AIDS</em>. And then <em>I'm never gonna have grandchildren</em>. And then <em>What if he gets beaten up by homophobes because he walking down the street with some guy?</em> And then''</p><p>"Jack" said softly to Emily and gave him a shoulder pat.</p><p>''I'm sorry. Yeah, I guess the point is I overreacted really badly. But I love my son. I've never stopped loving him. We're not a perfect family, Victor. We've made mistakes that we try not to make again. We understood the whole gay thing with Simon and Bram, but I still make a lot of mistakes. You can't imagine how I embarrassed Simon in front of his roommates."</p><p>Victor laughs. He's imagining it pretty well, actually.</p><p>''I said I was coming to find out about college when they knew I was just a gay loser, in search of himself.''</p><p>Jack laughs and Emily elbows him back in.</p><p>''OK,'' says Emily softly, ''so tonight you're gonna sleep there. Do you want me to call your family and let them know?"</p><p>Victor shakes his head as he pulls out his phone. He has several missed calls from Pilar and several messages where she apologizes for not reacting faster and asks if he's safe. And in each message she tells him that she loves him.</p><p>''I'm going to tell my sister. I don't think my parents actually care."</p><p>Emily stands up and nods.</p><p>''I'll get the room ready for you.''</p><p>Jack looks at Victor and smiles.</p><p>"One day, I asked Simon who was the girl in their relationship ."</p><p>Victor's left speechless. He can't imagine how he'd feel if his father ever asked him that.</p><p>''Yeah, Simon had the same look on his face as you. Honestly, I don't even know why I asked the question. Unhealthy curiosity, I guess. And you know what Bram answered?"</p><p>Victor shakes his head, trying to imagine the scene.</p><p>"Did you really ask the question in front of Bram?"</p><p>Jack chuckles, hiding his head in his hands.</p><p>''Yes. At the same time they were so inseparable. Oh God, how could I have been so stupid."</p><p>Victor chuckles as he takes the last sip of his tea.</p><p>''So, what did Bram say?''</p><p>''He looked me straight in the eye, and at the age of 18, he said, ''We're two boys, Jack, it's kind of like the principle of a gay couple.''</p><p>Victor laughs out loud, and Jack too. Jack gets up and pulls Victor into his arms.</p><p>''You see, son, we all make mistakes, and it's gonna be your job to teach the ignorant how to deal with them. But that doesn't mean they don't love you, okay. With all the mistakes I've made, I'm really proud that Simon called me tonight to take care of you. And I'm really proud of you, you know. You can't let other people tell you how to live your life, even if it's your parents. ''</p><p>Emily calls him from the top of the stairs and leads him to a room. Victor looks at the room, the pictures on the walls and his eyes fall on the desk.</p><p>''Is this Simon's room? I can't be''</p><p>''He asked for it.'' Emily says, ''You'll find clothes in his closet. Take whatever you need. Even though you look very handsome in a suit, I don't think you sleep very well that way."</p><p>Victor goes into the bedroom. He feels like a stranger. He sits on the desk chair and imagines Simon, at 17, writing messages to Bram without knowing it's him. And that makes him smile.</p><p>He takes out his phone, sends a message to Pilar to reassure her and one to Simon to thank him. He takes off his pants, takes off his shirt, finds an<em> Elliott Smith</em> T-shirt in the closet. He giggles because he doesn't even know who it is. He crawls into bed and falls asleep immediately.</p><p>He wakes up with a start and panics a little because he doesn't know where he is. And then he remembers everything. He sees his parents' faces again and puts his head in his hands. He closes his eyes and decides to focus on the positive in his life. He's safe. He has a whole family in New York and in this house and he has Benji with him. Anyway, he's not going back in the closet. So he's going to. He's gonna be fine. He's gonna live the first day of his new life.</p><p>He's grabbing his phone. 6:05. He gets up and rummages through Simon's things to find something more or less his size. He can't come down in a suit. He ends up taking a black hoodie and a pair of jeans that are a little worn at the knees but that fit him pretty well anyway.</p><p>He goes down to the kitchen and smiles when he sees a blonde girl smiling at him.</p><p>''Hi, I'm Nora. How you doing, Victor? I just got here and I was gonna make breakfast, but you can sit down and talk if you want. Before you ask, I'm almost 16 but I'm not in high school here because I'm in a music-study boarding school in Charlotte."</p><p>Victor smiles as he looks at all the ingredients that are already out. Far too many ingredients for one recipe, in fact.</p><p>''Actually, I love to cook. Can I help you with that? I love to make pancakes for my family."</p><p>Nora smiles and and beckons him to join her.</p><p>''No problem. We'll just follow your recipe, then. Dad loves pancakes. I'm sure Simon told you to watch out, but I swear, I've improved my cooking. He's stuck on my culinary disasters, but I'm doing great in the real world."</p><p>Victor laughs.</p><p>"Yeah," confirms Nora, "I know my brother pretty well. Do you have any siblings?"</p><p>Victor nods.</p><p>''Pilar likes to tease me and she plays the rebellious teenager but we're really close. My little brother Adrian is very smart. He pretends to be the baby of the family, but he's really mature for his age."</p><p>Nora nods and breaks the eggs.</p><p>''You know, with Simon, I was kind of worried about him at first. I was afraid it would change things between us. I was afraid he'd pull away from me. But in the end, the only difference is that I've gained a second brother. Bram is totally part of the family. He's great. Much more composed than Simon. And Simon is much calmer when he's with him. Even now. I can't even imagine they can be one without the other, actually. I hope you'll find that too. So...is there a particular guy in your life?"</p><p>And as if it's only natural, at 6:30 in the morning, Victor's making pancakes and talking about his crush on Benji.</p><p>"...he joined me on the bench and we kissed."</p><p>Nora jumps right in and claps her hands.</p><p>"Oh, my God, yes!" She makes this sort of joyous groan. "Ahhhh! I love romance. I absolutely want to meet him!"</p><p>Victor chuckles as a hand rests on his shoulder. He doesn't even flinch.</p><p>"Hi, Victor." Jack says with a smile and says, "Did you sleep well? Oh that smells good. Nora didn't cook, such a good smell isn't coming from his kitchen, it's not possible."</p><p>"Hey!" Nora complains, throwing a tea towel in his face. "I can stay in Charlotte if you'd rather, Dad. That way I'll have more time to study."</p><p>Jack take her in his arms and kiss her on the temple.</p><p>''You know I'm kidding, Nora. We love having our future musician in the house. What did you make for us?"</p><p>Nora smiles and nods her head towards Victor.</p><p>"Victor made pancakes."</p><p>Jack laughs as he takes out the plates.</p><p>''I knew it. Victor, that smells amazing. Thank you so much, but please don't feel obligated to do anything for us. You're our guest."</p><p>Victor serves four cups of coffee as he greets Emily as she joins them.</p><p>"So," says Nora as she eats, "I definitely want to meet Benji! Do you want me to discreetly drop you off at his work later? We'll grab a cup of coffee together so I can see him? You've made me too curious, Vic."</p><p>Victor smiles as he looks at her, but he shakes his head.</p><p>"He's not working today. But I think we'll see each other. I told him I'd call him. We'll probably go out somewhere. Maybe just take a walk and talk."</p><p>Nora point outside, laughing.</p><p>''It's raining, Vic. Oh, that's great, he can come over here. Anyway, the parents are off to Charlotte for Mom's conference."</p><p>Victor frowns when he looks at her.</p><p>"Why did you come back this weekend if your parents were going to Charlotte?"</p><p>He catches the look Emily gives her daughter. But Nora rolls her eyes and smiles. She makes her smile seem like the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>''I've come for you, Vic. We weren't gonna leave you alone. I mean, you could've stayed in the house alone, it's not like we didn't trust you. But we didn't want you to be lonely. So here I am. Big sister to the rescue."</p><p>"Just so you know, you're the little sister," Jack laughs as he grabs his cup.</p><p>''I feel like a big sister for Victor. Plus I get to spend the weekend taking care of him and pampering him like he's my little brother. He can't be worse than Simon anyway. I've always dreamed of having a little brother. And your story about Benji is gonna brighten up my whole weekend, Vic."</p><p>Victor looks at Jack smiling at him before he takes another sip of coffee.</p><p>"You know I'm older than you, right?'' And then he looks at the three Spier smiling at him. "Why are you doing this for me?"</p><p>Nora gets up and comes over and wraps her arms around Victor's shoulders.</p><p>''Because Simon told us you're a good person who needs help. You deserve to have people supporting you in your courage, Vic. OMG you're so cute."</p><p>"Because we're happy to help you, Victor." said Emily softly, putting her hand on his.</p><p>"So please feel at home here," said Jack, "and we're okay with you asking Benji to stop by. But no nonsense, okay? Do we need to talk first? You know, a serious conversation?"</p><p>Victor chokes on his cup before he starts laughing nervously.</p><p>"Oh, no, don't."</p><p>Jack looks up and laughs.</p><p>''I don't understand. Simon said the same thing to me at the time. Although I had done a lot of research on sex between guys and''</p><p>''That's enough,'' says Emily ''Jack, we have to leave in 45 minutes, so leave the boy alone, will you? We'll be back tomorrow afternoon.''</p><p>"What?" complains Jack as he leaves the table, "I swear I wouldn't have said anything stupid."</p><p>Nora looks at Victor and they both laugh at the same time.</p><p>''Okay. So what are we doing this weekend?" Nora asks as she starts the dishes.</p><p>Victor looks at his phone and sighs.</p><p>''My sister insists on talking to me. I want to see Benji and talk to him. And I need to talk to Mia, you know, the girl I was telling you about. Looks like I got a lot to talk about this weekend."</p><p>Nora winked at him and smiled.</p><p>''Don't worry about Mia. I was really close to Simon's best friend, Leah. She was totally in love with him. an asshole called martin discovered the mails and threatened to come out of simon. Simon pushed Leah into the arms of his best friend Nick because Abby wanted to go out with him but Martin wanted Simon to arrange things for him with Abi, otherwise he threatened to reveal everything. what he ended up doing anyway ... so Leah found out, she felt betrayed, which I understand. She wanted to kill Simon. But listen, she didn't. There is hope, Vic! And they are still friends ."</p><p>Victor sighs. He really hopes she's right.</p><p>''Okay. We'll start with your sister. Brotherly bonds are the most important. Do you want me to come with you?"</p><p>Victor hesitates, then looks around.</p><p>''Can I ask him to come over here? It'll be better to talk than in a cafe. Especially since she'll probably scream. She screams all the time. It's the only way she can express herself."</p><p>''Perfect! Send her the address. Oh, I'm so glad you're here. I'm gonna have the best weekend of my life."</p><p>Victor looks at Nora, wondering how he ended up with a second sister. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sister(s)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The doorbell rings and Victor feels his hands getting really sweaty. Jack and Emily have been gone for half an hour and he has spent the whole time since then talking to Nora. It's amazing how easy it is to talk to her. Like with Simon, actually. Victor really feels like he can be himself and nothing he says will stop her from smiling.</p><p>''Do you want me to get the door?'' Nora asks softly, pulling him out of his thoughts.</p><p>Victor gets up and shakes his head.</p><p>"No, I can do it."</p><p>He opens the door, almost expecting to find his parents in the back, ready to force him home, or worse, to church. But no, only Pilar jumps straight into his arms.</p><p>''I was so scared. I'm sorry, Victor. I'm really proud of you, <em>Valiente</em>."</p><p>Victor hugs her tightly and then she backs away.</p><p>''Okay. Now I want to know what you're doing here. Whose house is this?"</p><p>"Have you heard the story of Simon Spier?" Victor asks.</p><p>''The guy who waited on the Ferris wheel for his secret lover to reveal himself? Yeah, why?"</p><p>"Well, this is his place. At last, his parents' house. Simon and I have been talking by text since the first day of school and he's helped me take stock of who I really am. When I went to New York"</p><p>''Wait, what?!'' Pilar yells out ''Did you go to New York? When was that? How?"</p><p>"Hi," said Nora as she stepped into the hallway. "I'm Nora, Simon's sister. I suggest you close the door and come into the living room, you'll be more comfortable talking. The neighbors are a bit of a listener around here."</p><p>Victor smiles at her and closes the door and lets his sister in. She gives him the jacket that Simon gave him, telling him that she was sure he would miss it since he hasn't left it since he got it. And she's absolutely right. They're barely in the living room when Pilar stomped her foot, obviously waiting for his answer. </p><p>''Okay, I'm going to my room, call me if you need anything.'' Nora says before going up the stairs.</p><p>Barely two minutes later, the sound of a guitar rings out.</p><p>''So... uh... I took the bus. You know my weekend with the basketball team? Well, I was in New York, actually. To see Simon."</p><p>Pilar looks at him and Victor wonders if he should point out that her mouth is open.</p><p>''Wait a minute. You're telling me you lied to the parents, that you went to New York alone to spend the weekend with some guy you don't know to find out if you're really gay?"</p><p>Victor sighs.</p><p>''No ! No. Sum it up like that, Pilar, it's awful. Simon and Bram are really"</p><p>"<em>Finalmente</em>!" Pilar moans, taking him in her arms, "At last you're a cool brother. And I'm definitely becoming the wiser of us both. <em>Asombroso</em>."</p><p>Victor nods and then puts his head down.</p><p>''Hey, it's okay, Victor. You're still my brother, okay? I'm sorry I didn't react faster yesterday. I needed to integrate this new part of you. How long have you known?"</p><p>Victor looks at his sister with half a smile.</p><p>''Yeah. I think I've always known, actually. But in Texas, it was just impossible to tell. And when I got here, I heard Simon's story, and I thought people would be more open to it. And then I met Mia, and I thought maybe I was bi after all. Or something else. I was confused. But now I know who I am. I was right. I am gay and I don't want to hide."</p><p>Pilar nods her head and smiles.</p><p>''And I'm really glad you said it, Victor. You don't have to hide. God has given you a huge heart, and if he's turned towards boys, that's how it is, look no further.''</p><p>Victor sighs, lowering his head to look at his hands.</p><p>''So what do the parents say? Do you think I could ever come home?"</p><p>Pilar immediately loses her smile and gently strokes her brother's cheek.</p><p>''I'm sorry, Victor. But it's their anger, okay, it shouldn't get to you or change you. You had the courage to tell us this, I don't want you to regret it."</p><p>Victor sighs before he looks at his sister.</p><p>"Pilar, tell me."</p><p>''It's really difficult. Mama wants to get you into a rehab camp or something. Rehabilitation? Readjustment? Anyway, a camp where boys who think they like other boys are sent to be put back on the path to heterosexuality. I haven't talked to her since last night anyway. She's such a hypocrite. Dad doesn't agree with her. I think he was shocked yesterday, like me. You know, I really thought I knew you, and then I felt like I was totally wrong about you. But when you left, he went straight to your room. He cried a lot. This morning he told mom that you're never going to camp. I think he'll come to terms with it eventually. I hope so."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>Pilar gives him a hug before she steps back and smiles big.</p><p>''So... I guess the B is Benji, right?''</p><p>"Oh, you'd be a good detective, wouldn't you?" Victor laughs.</p><p>Pilar laughs before she puts her hand on his.</p><p>"He's really nice. I'm happy for you. So, when do I get to meet him officially? I have a protective sister speech ready for him."</p><p>Victor removes his hand by shaking his head.</p><p>''Oh no, you certainly won't do that, Pilar.''</p><p>''I did that!'' Nora says as she comes down the stairs. ''Sorry, I wanted some more pancakes, and I overheard part of your conversation. But I totally agree with Pilar, it's every sister's duty to make this kind of speech. Would you invite him for lunch, and then the four of us can eat together?"</p><p>"No way."</p><p>"Come on please, Vic" begs Nora. "Nothing interesting ever happens here."</p><p>"Por favor" Pilar insists.</p><p>Victor pulls out his phone with a sigh, but he smiles.</p><p>"I'm not promising anything. I'll call him and we'll see. I promised to call him anyway."</p><p>He goes back up to Simon's room and he hears Pilar ask if there are any pancakes left. He has no doubt that the two girls will get along. Nora seems to be able to get along with everyone.</p><p>"Hey, Victor."</p><p>Benji's voice really does speak volumes for Victor.</p><p>"Hi."</p><p>Victor lies on Simon's bed and stares at the ceiling.</p><p>"How are you doing?  Are...are you all right?''</p><p>Victor notes the hesitation in Benji's voice. He wants to know if he coming out like Victor promised but doesn't want to remind him in case he didn't.</p><p>''Not really. When we came home last night with Pilar, our parents told us they were separating temporarily.''</p><p>Benji sighs into the phone.</p><p>''You know, I did a lot of thinking yesterday,and it's not fair that I'm asking you to have your coming-out for being with me. I don't want to go back in the closet, but I don't want to force you to do something you're not ready to do. So we"</p><p>''I did it'' Victor cut him ''I almost didn't do it because of that. But I wanted to do it. I was ready. I am ready. And not just for you. I want to do it for me. I want to be myself without hiding. So I told them."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>Benji's voice is barely higher than a whisper.</p><p>"They reacted really, really badly, so I ran away."</p><p>"What? Where the hell are you right now? Shit, you should've called me. Where did you sleep? Tell me where your are, I'm coming."</p><p>It's horrible, but the worry in Benji's voice makes Victor smile. It's good to see that Benji really cares about him.</p><p>"It's okay" Victor says softly, smiling, "I'm at Simon's house."</p><p>There's a silence on the line and Victor looks at his phone to see if the call is still there.</p><p>"Benji?"</p><p>"Uh... I know you don't owe me anything, Victor and we're not really a couple. But I thought it was clear I was looking for an exclusive relationship. So"</p><p>Victor chokes on his own saliva and is forced to turn on his stomach to catch his breath.</p><p>''Wait, what? No. Simon, it's Simon Spier. I'm at his house, but he's not even there. And just so we're clear, I want an exclusive relationship, too."</p><p>There's silence on the line again.</p><p>''What are you doing at his house?'' finally asks for Benji.</p><p>Victor chuckles.</p><p>''Frankly, I still don't really understand. Actually, I'm friends with Simon. I started by sending him a message the day I got here. And then he replied and he tried to help me. I went to see him in New York. He still lives with his high school boyfriend and they're amazing. Over there, no one judges boys who kiss on the street and you can be yourself without being afraid. So yesterday, when I ran away, I called him because he said he would be there to support me if I needed it. I didn't want to bother you with my problems. He sent his dad to pick me up. I talked a lot with his parents and now my sister is here with Simon's sister and they want to know if you want to come for lunch with us.''</p><p>Victor realizes he hasn't been breathing during his last sentence so he sits down, breathing softly.</p><p>''What? They want me to come over?''</p><p>''And I want you to come too.'' Victor says softly, ''Well, you don't have to come. But I want to see you. And give you a kiss. And hold your hand. But it could be someplace other than here, if you're uncomfortable. We can do whatever you want."</p><p>''Okay'' just says Benji ''just send me the address and I'll come over. I'm glad your sister's supportive, so I look forward to getting to know her better."</p><p>Victor laughs.</p><p>"You're gonna regret saying that, I promise you."</p><p>Benji chuckles on the phone.</p><p>"Hey, Victor?"</p><p>He has a serious voice again, and Victor stiffened immediately.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I'm really, really proud of you, Victor."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Boyfriend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>He barely hangs up with Benji when his phone rings again. And Victor immediately smiles when he sees the caller.</p><p>''Hi, Felix."</p><p>''Victor? What's going on? Where are you? Are you okay?"</p><p>Victor hears that Felix is completely freaked out and really worried.</p><p>''I just got home and I heard your parents screaming. I wanted to see you to tell you about my night with Lake, but your mother slammed the door in my face."</p><p>Victor sighs as he wipes a tear from the corner of his eye.</p><p>''I told them last night that I'm gay and they're not reacting as well as you are. So I left.  I'm friends with Simon Spier, so his parents took care of me. And now Benji's gonna be here soon and we're gonna have lunch with my sister and Simon's sister."</p><p>Felix whistles into the phone.</p><p>''Benji, huh huh... So you are?"</p><p>Victor smiles.</p><p>''Yeah, I think we're official. He left Derek yesterday and kissed me. And I kissed him too."</p><p>Now Felix is howling with joy.</p><p>''This is so good, I'm so proud of you. Oh, I'm so happy. You deserve it, Victor. And wait, I've got great news too. I'm officially with Lake, too."</p><p>Victor couldn't smile more.</p><p>''I knew she'd see what a great guy you are eventually, Felix. I'm so happy for you."</p><p>Felix has a cough and a serious voice. At least as serious as he can be.</p><p>''How are you doing?Do you think you're gonna be okay with your parents? If it makes you feel any better, I don't hear them screaming anymore."</p><p>Victor sighs.</p><p>"Honestly, I don't know. For today, I'll try not to think about it too much. Pilar's here, and it's already better than I expected and"</p><p>The bell rang and Victor was startled.</p><p>"I think your Prince Charming is coming" laughs Felix, "so run and open it before the girls scare him. Good luck, Victor. Call me anytime if you need me. No matter when, no matter what time, I'm here for you, ok?"</p><p>''Thank you, Felix. You really are the best."</p><p>Victor hangs up and puts the phone in his pocket on the way down the stairs, but the two girls run out of the kitchen, worse than if they were 12-year-olds, and Nora opens the door. And it's really good for Victor to see Pilar smiling like that again.</p><p>''Hey, you must be Benji. I'm Nora. Nice to see you. I've heard so much about you. You're definitely more handsome than I imagined."</p><p>Benji smiles, and his smile gets bigger than his eyes meet Victor's.</p><p>''I'm glad I'm here. Hi, Pilar, I'm really glad you're here with Victor."</p><p>Pilar nods her head.</p><p>''Me too."</p><p>Victor steps forward and offers his hand to Benji, who grabs it.</p><p>''Okay,'' says Nora, ''Why don't you go upstairs and talk to your room, Victor, and we'll call you when it's ready.''</p><p>Victor smiles. His room. It's like he's already living here. He leads Benji down the stairs, enjoying the gentle feel of Benji's hand in his own. </p><p>"So you've already got your room?" Benji laughs as he enters Simon's room. </p><p>Victor turns and kisses him, putting his hands on each side of his face. Benji steps back, pressing his back against the closing door, but pulls Victor by the waist so he doesn't break the kiss. </p><p>Benji's lips are really soft and Victor really needed this to remind him that it's definitely worth it to endure all this. He moves his left hand to slide it into Benji's hair and squeezes it lightly. Benji moans at this touch and it makes Victor smile in the kiss. Benji's hand slides into his back and he brings it even closer, which makes them totally glued together. Benji's second hand gently caresses Victor's cheek as if to comfort him. And that's probably what he's trying to do, after all. </p><p>Benji moans, but painfully as Victor deepens the kiss and Victor immediately backs away.</p><p>''Sorry. Doorknob" laughs Benji. </p><p>Victor intertwines their fingers and pulls Benji, before sitting on the bed. They kiss again, leaving their hands to move slowly. And Victor realizes that he understands exactly what Simon meant. Kissing Benji isn't just about feeling butterflies. It's about feeling a tornado inside of him, but at the same time being totally calmed. It's feeling like you're being hit by a wave but surfing on it at the same time. It's just incredible.</p><p>''Victor, this is your phone.''</p><p>Victor only now realizes that his cell phone is vibrating in his pocket. He takes it out and immediately smiles as he picks up the Facetime call.</p><p>Simon and Bram appear on the screen. The couple is sitting against their headboard and they both smile at him.</p><p>''Hi, guys.''</p><p>''How are you, Victor?'' asks Simon, visibly worried.</p><p>Victor smiles into the screen, which only shows him at the moment.</p><p>''Great, actually. I'm trying to focus on everything that's going well today, the rest we'll see tomorrow. Thank you very much for everything, Simon. Your family's really great. And now I'm in good company. Guys, this is Benji."</p><p>He turns the screen to show Benji next to him smiling and waving to the boys. Bram lets out a little shout of joy as Simon moves closer to the phone as if he wants to make sure he can see.</p><p>''Oh my God, that's so cute. Benji, we're so happy to see you. Take good care of our little guy."</p><p>"Hey," Victor complains, "I'm taller than him. Well, at least in size."</p><p>The three boys start laughing and Benji kisses Victor's cheek, causing a moan of adoration on the other end. </p><p>Benji laughs as he puts his head on Victor's shoulder.</p><p>''Thank you guys,'' Benji says, ''Thank you for being there for Victor. I look forward to meeting you."</p><p>"We can't wait to meet you either!" Bram enthused. "You must come and see us!"</p><p>Victor nods with a smile as a knock comes at the bedroom door.</p><p>"Isn't anyone naked?" Nora laughs. "Oh, my God, it's been so long since I've said that."</p><p>"Oh, my God," moans Simon on the phone, "it's been so long since I've heard that."</p><p>Nora jumps on the bed to land behind Victor and Benji, laughing.</p><p>"You've traumatized me, Simon. You too, Bram. Anyway, you traumatized me. So you might as well be careful."</p><p>Simon rolls his eyes and sighs.</p><p>''You didn't see anything, Nora. Oh, my God, you're so dramatic."</p><p>"Maybe" grant Nora "but I imagined the whole thing. If your clothes were on the floor, then they weren't on you. Anyway, these boys here are cuter than both of you anyway."</p><p>''I'm sure they are.'' Simon laughed, rolling his eyes.</p><p>Victor sees Pilar sticking her head through the bedroom door and gets up, turning the screen towards his sister.</p><p>"Simon, Bram, this is Pilar, my sister. Apparently the only person in the Salazar family who supports me at the moment. But hey, one person is better than none, right?"</p><p>Simon and Bram smile as they greet her.</p><p>"Okay, I have a question." Pilar says, looking around. "Who's Elliott Smith?"</p><p>"Oh no," moans Simon. "It can't be. Who doesn't know Elliott Smith?"</p><p>Victor raises his hand and shows the camera that Benji does too. Bram bursts out laughing as he puts his arm around Simon, kissing him on the temple.</p><p>''OK, there are some records in my room, listen to them and you'll discover the way to happiness.''</p><p>''No one will listen to this as long as I'm in this house'' Nora says as she gets out of bed. ''Okay, New York, we're going to leave you to it, otherwise breakfast will burn.''</p><p>"I see you're getting better at cooking, sis." Simon laughs.</p><p>Nora sticks out her tongue and then puts her arm around Pilar's shoulders laughing.</p><p>"It was Pilar who made a Pandeja."</p><p>"Bandeja Paise" corrects Pilar "but I said I can't guarantee the result."</p><p>"Good luck, guys." Simon laughs. "Victor, we are really, really happy for you. Send us a picture if you want, Justin won't stop asking for it when he finds out we saw Benji. Ivy was gonna be so jealous! I hope your parents get back to you soon. I'm sure mine can talk to them if you want."</p><p>Victor nods his head.</p><p>"Thank you Simon, everything you do for me is amazing."</p><p>''Have a good weekend, you four!'' Bram said before he cut the call.</p><p>Victor looks at Benji who's still sitting on the bed and seems totally lost in thought.</p><p>''Okay, we're waiting for you downstairs,'' warns Nora, taking Pilar's arm. ''But in two minutes, not ten.''</p><p>Victor shakes his head and comes and sits down next to him, gently pushing a lock of hair back over Benji's forehead.</p><p>"Are you all right?''</p><p>Benji giggles and smiles at him.</p><p>''You're a guy full of surprises. I can't believe you went all the way to New York on your own, and you seem to have a lot of friends there. You're amazing, Victor."</p><p>Victor smiles and Benji slips a hand on the back of his neck before gently kissing him.</p><p>''Thank you. I swear, they're never gonna stop harassing us until you go to them with me."</p><p>''Ok, in the meantime, give me your phone.'' Benji says, reaching for his hand. </p><p>Victor executes, and Benji opens the camera. He puts one arm around Victor's shoulders and their heads naturally rest against each other. He takes the picture and turns his head to kiss Victor, taking a second picture. He continues to kiss Victor while putting his phone back in his hands and then stands up smiling.</p><p>''Come on, I don't want to attract the sisters' lightning. I thought you had a sister, now I have to convince two that I'm good enough for you."</p><p>Victor laughed and stood up while looking at the two pictures. He sends them both to Simon signing:  <em>Love, Victor &amp; Benji.</em></p><p>Victor puts his phone back in his pocket and takes Benji's hand in his own. It has become the most natural thing in the world to do and he even wonders how he could have been next to Benji without doing it. </p><p>''It's not a question of whether you're good enough for me, it's more a question of whether they won't scare you away.''</p><p>Benji laughs, kisses Victor, and they walk down to the kitchen, hand in hand. Victor sees the look on his sister's face on their joined hands and the resulting smile. And it really warmed his heart. </p><p>''Okay, frankly, it's not as good as Abuelita's, but it's not bad.'' says Pilar as she serves them. </p><p>And actually, it's pretty good. Really not bad. Victor really didn't think his sister could do this.</p><p>''We were thinking we could go to a movie with Pilar,'' says Nora. ''We realized we both wanted to go see it, so we might as well go together. Do you want to come with us?"</p><p>Victor turns to Benji, who already seems interested.</p><p>"What are you gonna see?"</p><p>''The story of a guy who wakes up alone and naked in a forest and the only thing he remembers is a song he can play on his guitar."</p><p>Victor sees Benji's eyes shining and he already knows his answer. The advantage of having spent so much time together before going out, even if it was mostly at work, is that they already know each other really well.</p><p>''OK, we come.'' says Victor ''I'm sure Benji will like it a lot. A naked boy with a guitar, what more could you ask for? I don't know if he'll still want me after seeing this."</p><p>Pilar and Benji's eyes widen slightly as Nora applauds and laughs.</p><p>''Oh, my God, you just did your coming-out that you're already making gay jokes. I love you!"</p><p>"You're so surprising." Benji says softly before he kisses him on the cheek. </p><p>Victor looks at him smiling and then bends over gently to kiss him. Victor feels so good. So much himself. There's this kind of feeling inside of him that makes him feel like he could do anything. Even kissing Benji in public. And he realizes it's their first real kiss in public. </p><p>"Damn Mia."</p><p>Benji frowns, but Victor strokes his cheek.</p><p>''I forgot to talk to Mia. I have to go talk to her. I have to apologize. She saw us kissing last night, she was really mad at me. I just want to explain to her that it's not her fault. It's just me."</p><p>''Okay.'' Nora says ''The session's at 2:00pm, so you can talk to her afterwards, right? We'll take Simon's car. Are you driving Benji?"</p><p>Victor puts his arm around Benji's shoulders and gently pulls him towards it. </p><p>"Yeah, that's fine, but I'm driving. Benji's a perfect copilot."</p><p>Benji smiles at him as he hugs him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Outside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Victor could never have imagined this. He's driving, all the way, Benji's hand resting on his, their fingers crossing slightly as Nora and Pilar chat in the backseat. Victor is glad he was right: Pilar and Nora get along really, really well. And he's really happy to see his sister finally making a friend. </p><p>When they park the car, Victor feels the stress as he watches the passers-by. It's a Saturday afternoon, of course, downtown Atlanta is full of people. Suddenly, he doesn't know what to do. So he closes his eyes. He wants to take Benji's hand back in his own, but he doesn't want to face remarks or people's looks. Suddenly everything seems too difficult for him. He looks at Benji coming out of the other side of the car and smiles at him. And as if sent from heaven, a ping rings on his phone. It's a message from Simon. He's almost disappointed when he realizes it's just a picture. He really could have used Simon's reassuring words right now. </p><p>He opens the picture and smiles instantly. Bram and Simon are in front of the Statue of Liberty and they're kissing. Victor sees the people around them clearly. There's a guy frowning just behind them. But what he sees most of all is that Bram and Simon don't give a damn. It's like they're just the two of them, in their bubble.</p><p>
  <em>Refusing to love for fear of suffering is like refusing to live for fear of dying.</em>
</p><p>Victor is certain it was Bram who dictated the legend. Benji goes around the car, opens Victor's door, and Victor comes out, showing him the photo.</p><p>''They look so happy.'' Benji says. ''I'm really looking forward to meeting his living legends.'' </p><p>Victor nods, puts his phone away and takes Benji's hand in his. He notices Benji's slight blink as he does so.</p><p>''I told you I'm ready, Benji. I don't want to hide. I'm not saying I'm not scared, but I want to do it."</p><p>Benji nods and smiles and kisses their joined hands.</p><p>''I don't think I've ever been so impressed with anyone in my life.''</p><p>"My brother is the best!" says Pilar.</p><p>"Come on, let's go or we'll miss the session." warns Nora. </p><p>Victor feels anxious and light at the same time. He tries not to look around him, but he feels as if everyone is looking at them, and even though he has to admit that this is not quite the case, it stresses him out. Benji's thumb gently strokes his own and it doesn't take much more than that for him to feel like he's in a bubble with them. </p><p>In the end, the movie is pretty good and being able to watch it while holding Benji's hand probably makes it a lot better than it really is. </p><p>''I want to show Pilar a store'' says Nora as she exits the cinema. ''Are you coming with us or should we meet up later?''</p><p>The boys look at each other and Victor understands that they feel the same way.</p><p>"We're going for a walk." says Benji. "Meet you in an hour?"</p><p>And for almost an hour, they're walking hand in hand, and Victor really feels like he's in a bubble that only shares with Benji. They take several pictures of them and Victor smiles, thinking that maybe these will be the first pictures of a long series. A very long series, he hopes. </p><p>And unfortunately, their bubble explodes all at once.</p><p>''Oh, fags, there are kids here, you think they need to see this?''</p><p>Victor immediately freezes to death while Benji shakes his hand harder. Benji immediately turns around to face three boys their age. </p><p>''Clearly, they definitely don't need to see this. Who needs to see an asshole take on two people just walking down the street?"</p><p>The guy in the middle stands there gawking for two minutes and then moves in on them furiously. </p><p>''Hey, faggot, you don't talk to me like that, OK? Who do you think you are right now?"</p><p>Benji looks at him smiling and Victor wonders how he stays so calm.</p><p>''If subtlety and finesse aren't your strong points, then you could at least try to stand out for your discretion, right?''</p><p>Benji turns around and trains him to resume their walk, as if nothing had happened.</p><p>''Excellent! How fucking right he is." one of the guys starts laughing.</p><p>Benji puts his arm around Victor's waist and pulls him close.</p><p>''We have as much right to show our love as anybody else, okay? We're not doing anything wrong. Don't ever let nobody push you back in the fucking closet."</p><p>Victor sighs, hoping one day to stop shaking.</p><p>"What if they wanted to fight?''</p><p>Benji smiles as he strokes his cheek.</p><p>"I know you're a fast runner, so I ain't worried about you, jock.''</p><p>Victor bursts out laughing as he puts his arm around Benji's shoulders.</p><p>''And then I'd rather end up bruised than sit around and say nothing.''</p><p>Victor thinks about it, but he doesn't know what he'd rather do. Just that we leave him alone. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he loses his smile when he reads Mia's message.</p><p>
  <em>I don't want to see you or talk to you right now, Victor.</em>
</p><p>Benji kisses his cheek.</p><p>''You could write her a letter, couldn't you? You're pretty good at that, aren't you? And we ask Nora to drop it off before we take us home. She's gonna love doing that, I'm sure she'll love doing that.''</p><p>Victor smiles and nods.</p><p>''You're totally right!''</p><p>They tell Nora and Pilar about it when they meet them at the car with their arms full of bags. Nora pulls paper and pencils from the glove compartment before closing the car and directing them to a coffee shop. </p><p>''Okay, the three of us will talk while you write. Good luck, Victor."</p><p>Nora takes Benji's arm and Benji lets go of Victor's hand. He smiles at him as he sits down at a table with the two girls. </p><p>"Good luck, Benji.'' Victor says, smiling at him. It's like he can't stop smiling when he looks at Benji.</p><p>Victor thinks and then starts writing. He stops when he gets his favorite coffee and winks at Benji as he looks at him while talking to Pilar. It's really nice to see the two of them talking like that. </p><p>He takes a sip of his coffee and starts writing again. After ten minutes he rereads his letter one last time.</p><p>
  <em>Mia, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I really hope you don't tear up that letter before you read it. So, first of all, if you're not going to do and read this: Thank you.<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know you must hate me. And I understand that. I also hate myself for the way things have been between us. I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you and that our history wasn't a lie or a way of hiding from me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I first came here, I thought I was gay. And then I met you, and you were so amazing, so great that I wanted to get to know you better. When we kissed, I felt hundreds of butterflies in my belly and I thought I might be bi, or pan...or whatever sexuality was open to both possibilities. I really wanted to believe it, Mia. Because that's you,and you really deserve a guy who sees you for who you are. But I realized too late that that guy couldn't be me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I realized that I was really gay, and what bonds me to you is a deep, real friendship, but it can never be more, I wanted to tell you that right away. But your father told you about his wedding and the baby and I didn't want to hurt you any more. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So I wanted to give you the perfect prom night, because that's what you deserve, Mia. Except I didn't plan for Benji to leave his boyfriend so we could be together. And since I'm a dumb teenager who's totally in love with him, I couldn't resist when he kissed me. At that moment, there was nothing around me anymore. I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm telling you this because I really hope you find a guy who makes you feel this way someday. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I should have told you everything before, and I'm really sorry you found out this way. The truth is I never meant to hurt you. I really didn't. I love you very much and I hope I haven't lost you forever. I know I took the easy way out by not telling you and I want you to know that I've really decided to change. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>My parents have turned their backs on me, I don't even know when I'll be able to go home again and I've just been insulted on the street. But I don't care, because as of today, I've decided to be myself, even though it's really hard. So on Monday in high school, I won't hide the fact that I'm in a relationship with Benji. Again, it's not to hurt you, it's just to be myself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, I don't expect you to forgive me in a heartbeat, but I really hope you can forgive me someday. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, Victor.</em>
</p><p>Victor smiles, gets up and goes to sit down Benji before handing him the letter. Benji looks at him surprised, folds it up and gives it back to him.</p><p>''This is between you, Victor. I don't have to approve or say anything."</p><p>Victor smiles and bends over to kiss Benji, but he stops in amazement when the letter rips out of his hands.</p><p>"I have to approve." Pilar says, "You've hurt Mia enough. Nora, come and see what you think."</p><p>Victor sighs as he lays his head on Benji's laughing shoulder.</p><p>"Are you really going to show off in high school?" Pilar asks, visibly astonished. "Aren't you afraid of how the guys on the team will react?"</p><p>Victor pinches his lips and looks at Benji.</p><p>''Yeah, I was going to ask you first, of course. Besides, I don't want it to sound like a coming-out, I just want to be like any other couple. But if you''</p><p>''I'm totally cool with it. Like, I never imagined you could do that so fast and I'm incredibly surprised and thrilled. You're just amazing. Will you stop surprising me one day, Victor?"</p><p>Victor really kisses him. Their first kiss in a cafe. And nothing happens. No whistling, no screaming. Just Benji's lips against his. A real bubble of happiness. It's just perfect.</p><p>They just came home finally at the Spier's house that Victor's phone pings a message. His heart starts pounding when he realizes it's a text from Mia.</p><p>He lets go of Benji's hand and opens the message, hands shaking.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for your honesty, Victor. It makes me feel a little less like an idiot. I understand you were looking for yourself and I'm glad you found yourself. I know your life isn't going to be easy, and even if I need some time to figure out how I feel, I want you to know I'll be there. I really hope that you and Benji will be happy and things work out with your family. You can count on my support and friendship. Thank Nora for what she said, it really got me thinking. I'll see you Monday. Love, Mia.</em>
</p><p>Victor smiled a huge sigh.</p><p>"Nora, what did you tell her?"</p><p>Nora turns around and winks at him.</p><p>"Girl secret. You're welcome, Vic. Okay, I'm gonna go see a friend, Alice. And I'm going to introduce her to Pilar, I'm surprised they haven't met yet, Alice is a Bilie Eilish fan too. We'll take Pilar home with you, but I promised my parents I wouldn't get involved in family problems so I'll stay in Alice's car.''</p><p>''I understand why they made you promise'' laughs Pilar ''but thank you for looking after my brother so well''.</p><p>''Thank you for sharing it with me.'' Nora laughs. ''Mine at his age was a grumpy one, I'm not even gonna tell you.''</p><p>"I'm sure that's not even true." Victor says, rolling his eyes.</p><p>Nora bursts out laughing.</p><p>''No, not even. He was really nice. He'd eat what I made every morning and say it was good, even when it wasn't, and he'd always try his best to help everyone around him."</p><p>"Are we talking about Simon or Victor here?" Benji asks "I can see why you two get along so well."</p><p>Pilar greets Benji before she hugs Victor.</p><p>"Let me know if you think I can come home."</p><p>Pilar nods sadly and leaves the house with Nora.</p><p>''By the way, Benji, you can sleep here tonight, my parents say it's OK and me too. I'd like it if Victor wasn't alone, but it's up to you."</p><p>"I can be alone," said Victor as she closed the door.</p><p>He immediately notices Benji's less smiling face.</p><p>''Hey, I didn't mean for you not to stay, okay? But I can stay alone, I'm not a baby. But if you can and if you want to stay, I'd love to."</p><p>Benji's smile comes back immediately. </p><p>''I'm calling my parents, but I think it'll be okay. Do you really want to?"</p><p>Victor nods in agreement when he kisses him.</p><p>"Really. I can do it, but I don't really want to be alone."</p><p>Victor sits on the couch and looks at Benji sitting next to him calling home and he's stunned.</p><p>''Hello, Dad? Yeah, great, and you? OK, so Victor's coming-out didn't go so weel. He can't come home anymore and... what? No. No, dad, don't worry. He's staying with some really nice friends. Yeah, he's fine. His sister'ssupports him. We spent the afternoon together. Yeah, I know, Dad... So can I stay with Victor tonight? We're at the Spier'. Yeah, I'll tell him. It's no problem. They're not here right now, but they'll be back tomorrow. But they're okay with this. Okay, great. See you tomorrow, dad."</p><p>Benji hangs up and notices that Victor looks at him like he's got two heads.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Victor blinks. </p><p>''It's amazing. I can't even imagine ever being able to speak so freely with my father again. So he knows who I am?"</p><p>Benji smiles, spreads Victor's arms wide open to curl up against him and closes them to his chest.</p><p>''Yeah. I told my mom about you a few times when we were just friends. And my dad last night. He was thrilled that I broke up with Derek. My parents really didn't like him. So, I guess he's looking forward to meeting you to see if his son can pick his new boyfriend better."</p><p>''No pressure, of course.'' Victor laughs.</p><p>"No, no pressure." Benji laughs as he kisses his arm. </p><p>"And he's letting you sleep here with no problem?" Victor wonders.</p><p>"They trust me. After my accident, we decided to change the way we communicate. My parents trust me to make my own choices and try not to interfere as long as I get good grades in high school and don't do anything stupid. On the other hand, I don't lie to them. I never lie to them. It's a kind of communication with no taboos or judgments. It works pretty good."</p><p>''I can't even imagine talking to my dad like that. Never."</p><p>Benji turns around and puts his head on Victor's chest.</p><p>"You wanna talk about it?"</p><p>Victor shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>"I told them I'm gay. And you were right, it's great to say it out loud. For five seconds, I was just happy. And then their faces fell apart. My dad told me it was just a phase because...''</p><p>Benji looks up at Victor, who's hesitating.</p><p>''Because you've been hanging out with me too much? He thinks I've infected you?"</p><p>"I'm sorry. I couldn't even tell him I was already in Texas because my mother started screaming in Spanish. I couldn't understand half of what she was saying. But what I did understand really scared me. So I left. Pilar says that my father spent the night crying in my room, which I can't imagine. And that my mother is trying to get me into a camp to make gays straight through religion, which unfortunately I can only imagine."</p><p>''It's conversion therapy.'' Benji blows as he hugs Victor ''which is brainwashing. It's starting to be banned in some countries. It's the new version of electrodes in psychiatric hospitals. Don't ever go there. By the way, my father was offering to bring you to our house."</p><p>Victor stands up to watch Benji.</p><p>"Are you kidding?"</p><p>''No, I'm not. He wanted to make sure you had a safe place. You know, I think my dad's afraid you're gonna be like me and do some... some bullshit."</p><p>''Okay. That's really nice of him but I could reassure him that I don't really like Wendy's."</p><p>Benji laughed and rose to reach Victor's lips. Victor stretches out his legs so that Benji lies down on top of him. </p><p>"Shall we go upstairs?" Victor ends up asking "or do you want something to eat?"</p><p>Benji smiles at him and stands up.</p><p>''I've definitely had enough to eat. Want to watch a movie?"</p><p>Victor shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''Not really. I'd rather stick with the naked guitarist idea. He was kind of creepy in that movie, wasn't he?"</p><p>Benji nods and laughs.</p><p>"Don't worry, if you're scared tonight, I'll give you a hug."</p><p>Victor's cheeks turn slightly red and Benji sits down and runs his hand through his hair.</p><p>''I mean, if you want. Or I can sleep on the couch if you'd prefer. I didn't want to intrude. We can go at your pace, Victor."</p><p>Victor smiles, kisses him and takes his hand to guide him to Simon's room.</p><p>"I want to lie in your arms and forget about everything else."</p><p>Benji smiles and lies down on the bed, opening his arms for Victor to settle in.</p><p>''You're amazing, Victor. How do you get to be so strong?"</p><p>Victor sighs, then kisses Benji, then steps back to look at him smiling.</p><p>''I can feel my strength in your kisses, Benjamin Campbell. Every one of your kisses reminds me why it's so important to be myself. Because I really love it.''</p><p>Benji smiles as he strokes his hair.</p><p>"Be yourself or kiss me?''</p><p>Victor pretends to think before he bows over to kiss him and laughs.</p><p>"Both. Definitely both.''</p><p>Victor slips his hands under Benji's shirt, and he keeps kissing him.</p><p>"Victor, I don't want to''</p><p>Victor is startled and feels like he's back in the hotel room. And Benji has to realize this because he grabs his arm before Victor can get out of bed.</p><p>''No, stay. I just wish we could take it slow, okay? I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything.''</p><p>Victor sits down and runs a nervous hand through his hair.</p><p>''Okay. I know I have no experience, and I'm sorry to''</p><p>"No," cuts Benji sitting down, "I... Can I be honest with you?''</p><p>Victor looks at him and his eyes speak for themselves.</p><p>''Yeah, you're right. I should always be honest with you. That was dumb.''</p><p>Benji takes his hands and gently kisses them.</p><p>''So I was 15 when I met Derek. He was my first boyfriend and I'd just gotten out. I felt so free. I wanted to try everything. And when... I didn't dare tell him he was moving too fast for me. I... I regretted our first time for months. I'm not saying he forced me or anything, just that I wasn't ready and I found out too late. I wish it could've been different, but I just didn't dare say it. I wanted love words and neck kisses, but Derek wasn't like that. Anyway, forget it. I don't even know why I said that. Anyway, my point is, I just want you to take the time to figure out what you want, Victor and I want us to be comfortable enough in our relationship to talk about it freely. I want us both to take it slow because I don't want you to regret anything, okay? I just don't want us to mess things up by moving too fast."</p><p>Victor smiled at him before he hugged him. </p><p>''Okay, you're right. So are you okay if we go to bed in our boxers? Because you promised to hold me and I'm afraid we're really hot if we get overdressed."</p><p>Benji nods with a smile and takes off Victor's sweater and shirt before he kisses him. Victor breaks the kiss to take off Benji's top before lying down and hugging him gently.</p><p>''Thanks for telling me all this, Benji. You really deserve the words of love and the kisses on the neck."</p><p>Victor puts two kisses on his neck before he puts one on his collarbone, then goes down and puts one on his chest and leaves one on his belly before he unbuttoned his jeans and throws them on the floor and then takes off his jeans, which join Benji's jeans on the floor. He goes back up, kissing in exactly the same place. </p><p>"You deserve so much love, Benji."</p><p>Benji gives him a gentle hug, and they slip under the covers and kiss. </p><p>''Thank you. You too, Victor."</p><p>Victor gently lays Benji's head on his chest and wraps his arms around him. He lets his hand slide through Benji's hair while he closes his eyes.</p><p>He waits until Benji's breathing is slow before whispering.</p><p>"Te quiero, cariño."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Dad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>When Victor opens his eyes, it's a hell of a lot better than in a dream. Benji is asleep, totally glued to him. He's almost on top of him. And it's just wonderful. Benji's locks of hair are scattered all over his chest. Benji's got an arm around his waist and one of his legs is resting on Victor's.  Victor would have thought it would be uncomfortable being so close to someone, but with Benji, it feels completely natural. So Victor holds him a little closer and closes his eyes. </p><p>When he wakes up for the second time, it's squarely daylight and Benji draws random shapes on his belly. He hasn't changed his position. His head is still on Victor's torso and his leg is still gripping Victor's leg.</p><p>''Morning.'' </p><p>Benji looks up and smiles. Victor is trying to take a mental picture of this moment because clearly he wants to think about this when the times are tough for him.</p><p>''Hi. Sleep well?"</p><p>Victor smiles and bends over to kiss him as he slides his hand on Benji's cheek.</p><p>"Totally."</p><p>Benji nods his head before resting it on Victor's chest and continuing to let his fingers run across Victor's belly. They sit there quietly for what could feel like hours, when Victor knows it's only been a few minutes. But neither of them seem to want to move.</p><p>Victor closes his eyes to focus on touch. He's so good that the ringing of his phone makes him startle. Benji shifts and sits against the headboard, letting Victor grab his phone on the coffee table.</p><p>''It's my dad.''</p><p>Victor looks at the screen without moving. He sees his father's face again after his announcement and could hear everything he's said. And just thinking about it makes him totally freeze up.</p><p>''Listen to what he has to say.'' says Benji softly. ''Maybe he's been thinking. And if not, you can always hang up."</p><p>Victor sighs and the call ends without him making a move. </p><p>"I"</p><p>The phone rings again, immediately, and this time Victor picks it up. And he puts the speakerphone on while hugging Benji, who immediately puts his arms around him.</p><p>"Hello, <em>hijo</em>?"</p><p>To hear his father's calm tone, and especially to hear him call him son, completely overwhelms him. Victor lets out a big sigh and bursts into tears.</p><p>''I'm sorry,<em> hijo</em>. I'd like to talk to you. Can I see you?"</p><p>Victor wipes his eyes with the palms of his hands.</p><p>''Yes, dad. Do you want me to come over to the house?''</p><p>There's a sigh on the other end of the phone and an awkward silence. Victor starts crying again, hiding his head against Benji's chest, because he already knows the answer.</p><p>''No,<em> hijo</em>. Can I come and see you? Your sister tells me you're staying with a friend's parents."</p><p>Victor nods his head while crying and ends up nudging Benji slightly.</p><p>''It's Benji, sir. Victor's crying, but he's okay with it. Give him time to process this and he'll text you the address and time. But he's really relieved you called, sir."</p><p>Silence again, and Victor realizes he should never have let Benji speak for him. So he cries again. </p><p>"I'd rather see my son, alone. I wish you weren't here, please."</p><p>His father's voice is hard now, and Victor tries to choke his tears.</p><p>''I will do what Victor wishes, sir. Now I'm going to hang up and comfort him."</p><p>Benji hangs up without waiting for an answer and holds Victor close to him.</p><p>"It's okay, baby, you can cry."</p><p>Victor lets out a huge sob, and it feels like his whole body is shaking.</p><p>''It's okay, Victor. Everything's gonna be all right. I'm right here. I'm so proud of you."</p><p>Benji gives him a gentle kiss on the hair, forehead, cheeks, even the nose, almost makes Victor laugh.</p><p>"Since it's almost noon," Benji says, "I think it's a little late for breakfast, but if it's okay with you, we'll have coffee and then you decide how you want to see your dad, okay?"</p><p>Victor nods his head and wipes his eyes.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I"</p><p>''Don't even think about finishing that sentence,'' Benji says softly, ''I'm so proud of you, Victor. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to feel rejected by your family. Then you have a right to cry. You'll still be a amazing guy if you cry, and I don't think you're any less handsome, okay?"</p><p>Victor tries to smile and gets up out of bed to get a tissue from the desk. He watches Victor get dressed and imitates him. They go down hand in hand and find Nora studying in the kitchen.</p><p>"Do you always work this hard?" Victor wonders. "Isn't a music school supposed to be cool?"</p><p>Nora raises her head and smiles.</p><p>"Are you kidding me? I have to work as hard as you do, plus I have all the music-specific classes, plus practice and individual and group projects. So, yeah, I spend a lot of time working. But I love it. I really love it."</p><p>Victor watches Benji and Nora talk about music while sipping his coffee. It gives him time to think quietly about how he wants to see his father.</p><p>"Do you know what time your parents are gonna be here, Nora?"</p><p>Nora's looking at her phone.</p><p>''Dad told me they're gonna be here around 3:00pm, why?''</p><p>Victor hesitates and then decides it's the right thing to do.</p><p>''My dad wants to talk to me, but I don't want to see him alone. But I don't want Benji to be there because I'm afraid he'll come after him. Or get mad at him."</p><p>Victor looks at Benji, and he nods and smiles.</p><p>"It's not about you, but"</p><p>"Hey," stops Benji by putting his hand on his "I understand, okay? Don't worry about me, I'll go home."</p><p>Victor bites his lower lip.</p><p>"Actually, I'd like Jack to stay with me to see my dad, but I'd like you to stay close just in case. If you don't mind, I will need a hug from you in case of a problem."</p><p>Benji nods and smiles.</p><p>''I'll be waiting for you in your room.''</p><p>Benji winks when he says it makes him laugh.</p><p>"Do you think your father will agree?" Victor asks, looking at Nora.</p><p>Nora looks up to the sky.</p><p>"It's obvious that he will. No problem at all. Wait, I'll ask him."</p><p>Before Victor could answer, Nora sent a message and her phone rang back less than 30 seconds later.</p><p>''See, I was totally right. Of course."</p><p>Victor took a deep breath and sent the address to his father. </p><p>''Okay. I told him to be here at 4:00pm."</p><p>Benji hugs him and kisses him on the temple.</p><p>''He sounded really calm on the phone, I'm sure it'll be fine.''</p><p>Victor puts his head in his hands.</p><p>''I don't know. He said he didn't want to see you. So then"</p><p>"Hey." Benji says softly, "one step at a time, okay? He's got to accept you before he accepts us, okay?"</p><p>Victor looks up and smiles.</p><p>"I love it."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Us."</p><p>"Oh, God, guys, you are so cute! All right, come on, let's see what we're having for lunch. I'm so hungry.''</p><p>Benji and Victor are meeting Nora in front of the fridge.</p><p>They're just finishing the dishes when Jack and Emily come into the kitchen. And Victor immediately notices the eye contact between Benji and Emily.</p><p>"Jack, Emily, this is Benji."</p><p>''Nice to see you again, Emily. Thank you for letting me stay. Even though I guess you didn't know it was... me... but thank you."</p><p>"Do you two know each other?" asked Jack in disbelief.</p><p>Benji nods his head and turns to Victor, who looks at him as amazed as Jack.</p><p>''I had to consult with Emily after my car accident. She helped me a lot to work on myself and to accept myself. Now I'm really better. It's really over, Emily.''</p><p>Jack's hugging him.</p><p>"Nice to meet you, Benji."  He lets Benji go and then looks at Victor and smiles. "So Victor, is your dad coming here? That's a good sign, right?"</p><p>Victor tries to smile.</p><p>"I hope so."</p><p>''I'm sure it's a good sign. I'm sure he loves you too much to leave it between you."</p><p>Victor really hopes he does when he see his father standing outside the house. He hears Nora and Benji playing guitar, and it makes him smile. He doesn't know if they're doing it for them, or for him, or if they're aware that it makes him feel less lonely. </p><p>He is startled when the doorbell rings and Jack puts his hand on his shoulder to calm him down.</p><p>''Everything's gonna be all right, Victor.''</p><p>Jack goes to the door, introduces himself and comes back into the living room with his father. His father looks at him, then opens his arms as an invitation.</p><p>''<em>hijo</em>.''</p><p>Victor takes refuge in the arms of his father, who gently caresses the back of his head.</p><p>''I'm sorry, <em>hijo.</em> I shouldn't have... I never... it's just...''</p><p>Victor steps back. He's never seen his father so insecure. </p><p>''Come and sit down,'' says Jack softly. ''If you want me to go, Victor, you tell me. I can leave you both."</p><p>Victor shakes his head.</p><p>"No, stay. I'd like the three of us to talk."</p><p>Armando seems rather relieved by his son's response. </p><p>"Thank you for taking care of my son, sir"</p><p>''Jack'' he cuts him off with a handshake ''Call me Jack. And I'm glad I could help. When our son told us he was gay, it was a shock to us, too. I'm glad I could help you and Victor. You really have a lovely boy."</p><p>Armando looks at his son and sits down with a sigh.</p><p>''I'm so sorry,<em> hijo</em>. I reacted really badly. But I don't understand. Why did you decide to change? Weren't you good with Mia? Was it because of him? This guy did rub off on you?"</p><p>Victor winces when his father calls<em> him</em>, then takes a slight breath and looks his father in the eye.</p><p>''His name is Benji, dad. And no, he hasn't rubbed off on me. I've always been like that, even in Texas. That's the way I am. I just didn't want to admit it to myself, so I tried it with Mia. I really wanted to convince myself that I could be with her. I really liked her a lot, but that's not possible. I can't be in love with a girl. I was born gay. I would die gay. That's what I am, that's all."</p><p>Armando seems completely devastated and Victor can't help but think that maybe he only came here to try to reason with him and it hurts his heart. </p><p>''But, you don't, uh... you don't seem...''</p><p>Victor sees his father looking at Jack embarrassed and he nods. He understands what his father means.</p><p>"Why don't I look gay?"</p><p>Armanda nods with a pinched smile.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Victor looks at Jack, who's silently encouraging him, and he thinks back on what he said: <em>It's going to be your job to teach the ignorant.</em></p><p>''There are as many ways to be gay as there are to be straight, Dad. The important thing is to be yourself. So, yes, some people like to wear makeup, or dress in flashy colors. So what's the big deal? So they don't hurt anyone. You know, there's a ton of stereotypes about gays as much as there are about latinos or blondes or... I don't know, truckers or something. Not all truckers have tattoos, and not all gays are effeminate."</p><p>Jack gets up and comes back with a picture frame in his hands.</p><p>"It's my son, Simon, and his boyfriend, Bram. I don't think the first thing you think when you see them is that they're gay. Bram is in literature class on a football scholarship. And Simon is in psychology. They're normal boys, they're just in love with each other."</p><p>Armando looks at the photo and then looks at Jack.</p><p>''But how can you accept that? How can you accept by imagining what they do when their bedroom door is closed? It's just...''</p><p>Victor freezes immediately. If he could disappear, he would. But Jack seems perfectly comfortable, and he sits across from Armando.</p><p>''They're making love, yes, you can say that, it's not an insult. They're in love, and they're have sex together, just like any other couple. You have a daughter, right?"</p><p>Armando nods his head.</p><p>"Yes, but"</p><p>''When she introduces you to a guy, do you need to imagine her with him in bed? Do you really want to know what she does to him or what he does to her?"</p><p>Victor feels like he's dying on the spot. Definitely, he's never been so embarrassed in his life.</p><p>''No. But...it's not the same. It's normal between a woman and a man."</p><p>''It's also normal between two men, Armando, or between two women. We were taught it isn't, which is why it's hard for us to accept it. Just like it was said that white people shouldn't marry black people. Or that the rich shouldn't marry the poor. Gays are normal. Victor's normal. It's just love, Armando. There's nothing wrong with love. I was like you, and then I saw how my son looked at Bram and how his boyfriend looked at him. It's just love, plain and simple. Victor told me you were proud oh him that he defended his friends in front of his grandparents. So I know there's a difference between accepting gays and accepting his son being gay, but Victor is still the same. It's just your son and while I'm glad I could help him, he needs his father."</p><p>Armando seems completely lost and sighs.</p><p>''I just feel like I don't know him anymore. I thought all parents of gay kids always knew in advance and I didn't see anything."</p><p>Jack chuckles and looks up to the sky.</p><p>''I've had this conversation with my wife several times, you know...she's a child psychologist, and I couldn't believe she didn't see anything. Her own son. But that's just the way it is. They're our children, but they don't belong to us. And I know it's hard to realize that we're wrong about who they really are. I know what it's like to be shocked by such an announcement, but I also know that Victor showed great courage in revealing himself to your family and that he is suffering from being pushed aside. A son always needs his father, and even more so in times like these."</p><p>Armando stands up and pulls Victor against him.</p><p>''I'm sorry,<em> hijo</em>. I love you. And even if I need time, it doesn't matter to me, you're my son. We're gonna figure out how to move forward together, okay?"</p><p>Victor nods his head and shakes his father.</p><p>''I'm here,<em> hijo</em>. Jack, thank you so much. Thank you for Victor, for taking care of him, and for talking to me. You're right. Thank you very much."</p><p>Jack gets up to shake his hand and he smiles.</p><p>''You're welcome, it's really my pleasure. I hope we see each other again soon. I'm gonna leave you two alone for a while and see why Nora's playing that song over and over again because it's starting to burn my ears."</p><p>Victor only now realizes that what they've been hearing all along is Baby Shark's music played on guitar and that makes him smile.</p><p>''That's not Nora. It's Benji playing Baby Shark because he knows that music soothes me."</p><p>His dad pulls him back a little bit and looks at him.</p><p>"Is he there?"</p><p>Victor steps back to look his father in the eye.</p><p>''Yes, Dad. He's here because he's my boyfriend and I love him very much. And I think it's mutual. I asked him to stay and be there if I needed support, and I think he's trying to support me in his own way with this song.''</p><p>Victor can't stop smiling. Benji is so cheesy... and Victor loves it so much! And against all odds, Armando smiles.</p><p>''It's cute. That's sweet. He seemed like a nice kid on your birthday. But what about his boyfriend?"</p><p>"He broke up so he could be with me." Victor says softly "We really like each other, you know."</p><p>Armando nods and looks at the stairs.</p><p>"So...you're gay and you have a boyfriend?"</p><p>Victor nods and his father looks up to heaven.</p><p>''Well, you don't waste any time. Although I guess you told us that so you could be with him, actually. Honestly, I don't know if I'm totally ready for this. But can you ask him to come down?"</p><p>Victor hesitates. This morning, he would have thought the only reason his father wanted to see Benji was to punch him in the face. But now he's not so sure about that anymore. Besides, just in case, Jack will be there. And it's that thought that makes him feel safe enough to go up to Benji's house and come down hand in hand with him.</p><p>He senses that Benji's about to let go of his hand, but he squeezes it a little tighter to keep it.</p><p>''Hello, Mr. Salazar. It's good to see you again."</p><p>Armando looks at their joined hands, and Victor feels all the anxiety rise up inside him. But his father looks at Benji and smiles slightly at him. It's very light, but it's a smile.</p><p>''Hi, Benji. Thank you for taking care of Victor, and I'm sorry for what I said this morning. I just"</p><p>"It's okay" Benji cut him "I understand. I'm glad you're here for Victor. It's really important to both of us."</p><p>Armando is smiling a little bit more, nodding his head before looking at his son.</p><p>"Victor, if it's okay with you, I'd like you to come home with me. I've been in a hotel room since yesterday. Tomorrow I'm going to see your mother so we can discuss our family quietly.  But tonight we could spend the evening together, just the two of us, you'd like that?"</p><p>Victor nods with a sigh of relief. He lets go of Benji's hand and jumps into his father's arms and wipes away a tear. </p><p>"Yes, Dad, yes.<em> Gracias papa</em>."</p><p>Victor tidies Simon's room while he hears Jack and his father talking. Benji wraps his arms around his waist and Victor steps back slightly so that his back lines up against Benji's chest.</p><p>''I'm really glad things are working out for you, Victor. Your dad seems to want to make things right, and that's really great."</p><p>Victor smille and Benji hugs him.</p><p>''I'm so relieved. I'm so hopeful that everything's gonna be okay. Thanks for being here, Benji, and thank you for playing for me."</p><p>Benji gives him a nice, gentle hug before he kisses him.</p><p>"I love playing for you, Victor."</p><p>They come down the stairs hand in hand, and Victor thanks Nora, Emily, and then Jack by hugging them. </p><p>''Thank you again, Jack and Emily. Thank you for taking care of my boy," said Armando before walking to the car. </p><p>Victor let go of Benji's hand on his way to his father's car.</p><p>''Benji, did you drive here?'' Armando asks.</p><p>Benji shakes his head.</p><p>"No, I took the bus."</p><p>Armando waves him over to the car.</p><p>"Come on, we'll give you a ride home."</p><p>Benji's about to say no, but Armando opens the back door.</p><p>"Come on, let's go. If you were a girl, I wouldn't let you go home walking.''</p><p>Armando looks at Jack who smiles and he sighs.</p><p>''I didn't mean it like that. I don't see you as a girl. I'm just trying to act like he's in a normal relationship.''</p><p>Armando coughs as he runs his hand through his hair.</p><p>''No, I didn't mean that either. Just let us take you home, please,  I just want to make my son happy."</p><p>Benji nods and sits in the back seat, immediately followed by Victor, who gently slides his hand into his own. </p><p>''Thank you, Mr. Salazar. Don't worry, I understand what you mean and it means a lot to me. I live on Creekithe Road."</p><p>Armando looks in the rear-view mirror and smiles as he drives off. Benji gives him directions and points to his house. He gets out of the car to thank him, immediately followed by Victor.</p><p>''Thank you, Benji. Thank you so much. I'll see you tomorrow?"</p><p>Benji smiles and gently strokes his cheek.</p><p>''Of course. But if you need anything tonight, you call me, okay? It doesn't matter what time it is, okay?"</p><p>Victor nods his head and then gently kisses Benji before opening the front door of the car. He crosses his father's unreadable gaze.</p><p>"I'm not gonna hide anymore, Dad. Okay?"</p><p>Armando sighs before he smiles at him.</p><p>"You're not going to spare with your old dad, are you?'' He seems to think and then nods ''You're right,<em> hijo</em>, it's my job to adapt, not the other way around. So, are you two serious? Like very serious?"</p><p>Victor feels himself turning pale and Armando glances at him before he looks at the road.</p><p>''What? I'm just asking if I need to talk to you. You know, just to keep you safe, because"</p><p>''No Dad'' Victor cut him, and coughs ''Thank you, I appreciate the effort but it's okay. We're not there yet and I don't think you need to know when we will be. But I guarantee you I'll be safe. Is that okay with you?"</p><p>Armando seems downright relieved and nods.</p><p>''Absolutely. So, what do you wanna do tonight?"</p><p>Victor thinks and then smiles.</p><p>''How about we order pizza and eat it while we watch TV?''</p><p>Armando nods and parks in front of a hotel. Victor freezes when his father opens the hotel room. It's so impersonal. It's so empty. It's so sad.</p><p>''It's just for tonight.'' Armando says softly as he enters ''Tomorrow I'll go talk to your mother. We just have a lot of things to take care of at the same time. But we'll take care of it, okay?"</p><p>Victor nods as he enters and immediately sees that his father has brought some of his things.</p><p>''I thought you might need it. I also packed your school bag for tomorrow. Pilar helped me get everything ready last night when she came home. She told me that thanks to you she had two friends. I'm really happy for her."</p><p>Victor sits on the bed.</p><p>''Me too. And mom, do you think she'll accept me?"</p><p>Armando sits in front of him with his shoulders down.</p><p>''Honestly, <em>hijo</em>, I don't know. We've never really talked about this. She's already had a hard time accepting you being with Mia. So with a boy, I honestly don't know. But I hope so. Anyway, I'll be with you, okay? We're gonna find a way."</p><p>Victor smiled as he picked up some of his clothes.</p><p>"Can I take a shower?"</p><p>Armando shows him the only door to the room with a theatrical air.</p><p>''It's over there. I feel obligated to tell you because I didn't want you to get lost in that mansion."</p><p>Victor laughs as he opens the bathroom door.</p><p>''OK<em> hijo</em>, I'll order the pizzas, you pick out what we're looking at.''</p><p>Victor closes the bathroom door and before he takes a shower, he sends a message to Benji that everything's OK, one to Felix telling him where he is and then he sends one to Simon.</p><p>
  <em>Simon, </em><br/>
<em>I really want to thank you for everything you've done for me. Your family's really great, and I realize that mine is, too. My sister supports me more than I thought she would and now I'm in a hotel with my dad. He came to pick me up at your parents' house and we talked a lot with your dad. He wanted to see Benji and even offered to give him a ride home. He saw us kissing and he didn't die of a heart attack. So now I'm sure he's going to be able to accept me and us. I'm really happy. Tonight I decided not to worry about my mother or how the other students will react tomorrow at school. Tonight, I want to enjoy the night with my dad. Just a dad and his son, eating pizza in front of the TV. So even though everything isn't perfect, I'm happy. And it's all because of you. It's because of all of you. You give me the courage to be myself and you helped me when I needed you. I really hope we can see each other again soon. Thank you very much for this. Love, Victor.</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok, that was a long chapter ... sorry. But I didn't want to cut it in half. I hope it was not too long 😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. High school</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>Victor, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know what it feels like when our father takes us in his arms and starts to accept us. And I'm really glad that you know that. Bram is still not at that stage with his father and we assume that unfortunately he never will be. We have too many friends who know that, and really, I'm glad your father came back to you. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>I know today you decided not to hide out in high school, and I can only agree with you, but remember, it's not gonna be easy. Just don't let them get to you. Surround yourself with people who respect you and allow you to be yourself and don't listen to others. I know it's really hard to do that in high school. You're at an age where other people's opinions count for a lot, and that's totally normal, but only listen to the opinions of people who love you, Victor. Unfortunately, some people are going to disappoint you while others will stand next to you when you didn't think they would. Always remember that you are not alone, Victor. We send you all our support, Love, Simon.</em>
</p><p>Victor puts his phone in his pocket before smiling at his father.</p><p>''Thanks for the ride, Dad. But I could have taken the bus."</p><p>His father shakes his head as he pulls up in front of the school.</p><p>''It's my pleasure. Anyway, I have to get home. I think you're expected, right over there."</p><p>Victor looks at the place his father's smilingly shows him. </p><p>Benji smiles and waves a little his hand. He stands next to Felix who is waving big over his head, while Lake tries to get him to stop. </p><p>''Have a good day,<em> hijo</em>.''</p><p>''You too, Dad. I hope it all works out and tonight we can all sleep at home like we used to."</p><p>He looks at his father nodding his head, then Victor opens the door, takes his bag, says bye to his father and joins his friends. He greets them and then puts his arm around Benji's waist before pulling him towards him and kissing him. And as if by reflex, he looks around them.</p><p>"It's all right, Victor," Benji says softly.</p><p>Felix pulls him out of Victor's arms and into his own.</p><p>''Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. So, are you feeling any better? Are you gonna be able to come home with me tonight?"</p><p>Victor shrugs his shoulders and tries to smile.</p><p>''I don't know. My parents are gonna talk this morning. My dad would like us both to go home. It's awful, it makes me feel like a convicted felon."</p><p>Benji takes him in his arms, kisses him on the cheek and then reaches out his hand. </p><p>''And yet you really didn't do anything wrong. Are you ready?"</p><p>Victor looks at him smiling and intertwines their fingers.</p><p>''Are you ready?'' Felix asks, holding out a hand between him and Lake.</p><p>Lake rolls her eyes and slides her hand into Felix's.</p><p>''Don't try to steal his moment, Felix. Everybody knows I'm with you because I said so in front of everybody on Saturday."</p><p>"In front of everyone?" asks Victor in disbelief.</p><p>Felix looks at him with a huge smile and an unequivocal pride on his face.</p><p>''Yeah, man. Lake went up on stage, she took the microphone and she told everybody she wanted to date with me. The best statement ever.''</p><p>Benji shrugs his shoulders and thinks.</p><p>''I think Bram's statement for Simon was on the same level.'' He finally says.</p><p>Victor frowns.</p><p>''You mean from Simon to Bram.''</p><p>Benji shakes his head.</p><p>''No. Every time I heard their story, everyone was talking about Simon. But can you imagine how brave it took Bram to join him on the Ferris wheel? What he did was a wonderful silent statement. No one knew he was gay, and the whole school was there. Frankly, if I were him, I think I would have waited until everyone had left to go to him."</p><p>"Oh, no," Felix said as he headed towards the school, "I don't believe a word of it. I know you, Benji, and there's no way you would have let Victor spend the evening spinning on a Ferris wheel without joining him. You would have seen his sad face, you would have known it was because of you so you would have forgotten about everything else and gone to join him. Simple as that."</p><p>Benji giggles and so does Victor. Because it's clear Felix is right, Benji is far too gentle to let the one he loves suffer because of him.</p><p>"I've never seen it like this before," said Lake as he got a little closer to Felix. "It's so beautiful."</p><p>"Your statement was beautiful, too;" said Felix, before stopping to kiss him in the middle of the stairs ''and you too.''</p><p>Victor and Benji passed them and walked through the school gate. And like every morning, the headmistress - finally the new interim headmistress - greets the students with a smile.</p><p>''Good morning, Victor, I'm glad to see you've integrated in so well. Good morning, Benjamin, I see you're early for once."</p><p>Victor nods back with a big smile.</p><p>"If you have any problems, my door is open, okay?"</p><p>"Thank you, ma'am. I'll think about it."</p><p>They're heading to Victor's locker together, but it's not like Saturday in Atlanta. Even though the hallways are filled with students in a hurry, and even though a lot of them are stunned by the sight of them or even pointing, not really discreetly, at them, Victor is fine. <br/>There's a part of him that's afraid, of course. But he reasons himself so well that the first one cancels itself out. No student's gonna hit him because he's gay, right? Benji's been openly gay for a year and he's never had a problem in high school. Simon told him how the headmistress punished students who thought they were funny by picking on him in the middle of the canteen. Victor tries to reassure himself that if that happens, he will at least have Benji and Felix by his side. Besides, he's not popular, he doesn't interest anyone, so he assumes that everyone will talk about it today and that tomorrow everyone will have forgotten.</p><p>''Are you gonna be okay, baby?''</p><p>Victor slams his locker laughing. </p><p>''I was sure you said that yesterday morning. Baby? Really?''</p><p>Benji laughs as he kisses him in little bumps.</p><p>''Yeah, really. I don't know, I like that, it makes me feel like you're mine, but not in a possessive sense, just that you're really special to me. Does that make sense? Is that too much? Do you hate it?''</p><p>Victor shakes his head but he can't stop thinking about Derek.</p><p>"No, I didn't call Derek like that" Benji whispers softly.</p><p>Victor nods his head and hugs Benji, feeling really silly sometimes.</p><p>"Sorry, that was dumb.''</p><p>Benji steps back, shaking his head.</p><p>''I know it's hard to have a first real relationship with someone who's had one before. And even though I keep a lot of positive things about my relationship with Derek, you can't compare those two relationships at all because you're really, really different, and I really like who I am when I'm with you, Victor."</p><p>Victor nods and kisses him as the bell rings.</p><p>"We have lunch together, <em>querido</em>?"</p><p>Benji giggles and then nods as he leaves.</p><p>''Have a good morning, baby. Anybody messes with you, I'll punch him in the face."</p><p>Victor looks up at Benji's ridiculous at all the students, trying to look threatening, which he doesn't do at all,and it makes him laugh.</p><p>''I'd do it too'' says Felix, putting his arm around his shoulders ''but I don't really know how to fight, so I'll give him my turn.''</p><p>Victor laughs and they both head to their first class. </p><p>''I just wish nobody would fight.''</p><p>When the bell announces the end of the last class of the day, Victor lets out a sigh of satisfaction. Apparently his wish has been granted. If he had to imagine the perfect day in high school after a coming-out, this would have been it. He had a few nice comments. Of course, he had to answer a few nosy questions, sometimes from students he'd never seen before, <em>Are you really gay? So you two are together? What about Felix, is he bi? Are you an open couple? And you're not with Mia anymore? And why were you with her if you're gay?</em></p><p>Victor tries to answer politely but remains vague when asked about Mia. She ate at their table at lunchtime, and even though she only spoke with Lake, it's a small step. Victor puts his bag down in his gym locker room and sits down to write to Simon.</p><p><em>Simon, </em><br/><em>My first day as a gay high school guy went really well. I had a few questions but I didn't hear any name-calling or see any obscene gestures about myself so I think it was a nice day. </em><br/><em>My dad sent me a message telling me to come home after practice. I don't really know what to expect, but I can't wait. I'm officially allowed to go home. I know I've only been gone three days, but I feel like it's been a lot longer than that. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on training for Friday's game. I completely messed up the last one because of my parents, this time I want to be at the top of my form and make the team proud. Love, Victor</em>.</p><p>Victor puts his phone in his locker and starts changing.</p><p>''Well? Actually, Andrew was right, huh, were you watching?"</p><p>Victor turns around, sighs, and Chris pretends to hide his chest.</p><p>''Uh-oh, don't look at me like that, man. Shouldn't you be in the girls' locker room?"</p><p>Victor looks at the rest of the team who looking away. Except for Andrew, who undresses completely with eye contact, keeping only his boxer on.</p><p>''Go ahead, Victor.'' Andrew says, spreading his arms out, ''Enjoy it, I don't mind you looking at me.''</p><p>Victor looked away and sighed. He didn't think Andrew was that much of an asshole. But instead of laughing the way Victor expected, Andrew acts surprised.</p><p>''Wait, what? You don't wanna see me in my boxer? You may be gay, but you're not some creep who joined a team just so you could watch? You work part-time so you can pay your way on the team, I thought you were just trying to enjoy it, right? Chris would be wrong then?''</p><p>Victor looks at Andrew smiling and Andrew moves closer to Chris, still wearing only his boxers, and puts his arm around his shoulders.</p><p>''See, he doesn't give a shit about us. He's here to play and unlike you, he's good and he's winning the team. So now you stop thinking all the gays want to fuck you over and just leave him alone, OK? Nobody cares about you, Chris, or girls, or gay, or bi. No one. Just because you're acting like an asshole. So quit fucking around and go apologize."</p><p>Chris looks at him but Andrew won't take his eyes off him so Chris slams his locker and holds out his hand to Victor.</p><p>"Sorry, that was dumb."</p><p>"That was really dumb, dumbass." Andrew goes on and hits him in the back of the head.</p><p>Andrew gets up on the bench in the middle of the locker room.</p><p>''Just so we're clear, the first guy on the team that messes Victor is gonna have to deal with me, okay? First one who doesn't pass him the ball when he should, I'll have him benched. And you know the coach"</p><p>''The coach wonders why his team isn't training'' yells the coach as he enters the locker room ''and why on earth my team captain is almost naked perched on a bench. Andrew, go get dressed. Victor, you come see me."</p><p>Victor sighs and walks over to him but stops to give Andrew a handshake as he jumps off the bench.</p><p>"Thanks a lot, man."</p><p>Andrew looks at him, shakes his head and gives him a hug.</p><p>''You're welcome, man. You all right?"</p><p>Victor chuckles.</p><p>"I'm not very comfortable with you, almost naked, holding me like he's gonna choke me, but I'll get over it."</p><p>Andrew laughs with the rest of the team, and Victor walks over to the coach.</p><p>''We got a big game Friday night, Victor. St Rafael high school's team beats us every time. Can I count on you this time?"</p><p>Victor nods vigorously.</p><p>''Yes coach, absolutely. I've been sorting through my head and I'm better. I'm really sorry about the last game."</p><p>''All right. And I heard you like guys. I guess that's part of sorting it out in your head. If any member of the team has any problem at all, you let me know, okay? I won't tolerate that. This is just between us, but my little brother is married to a man, so I won't take any crap from you."</p><p>Victor sees Chris freeze behind the coach, but he shakes his head.</p><p>''No, Coach, it's all right. The team is great."</p><p>''OK,'' Coach yells, ''Three laps around the field, right now. We have a game in five days and I want us to win it!''</p><p>Victor comes out of practice exhausted, sweaty, but thrilled. Felix is waiting for him on the steps of the high school.</p><p>"What are you doing here?"</p><p>Felix looks at him as if it's obvious.,</p><p>''I'm waiting for you to come home. Benji told me he was working tonight. He's really excited to come back to work with you starting tomorrow and I wonder why that is?!?"</p><p>Felix raises his eyebrows several times and they both start laughing as they walk.</p><p>"How was practice?"<br/> <br/>''Chris accused me of checking him out so Andrew got into his boxer and lectured him before he hugged me. It was so surreal and embarrassing and great."</p><p>Felix is laughing again.</p><p>''Yeah, those are three adjectives that really describe Andrew. I've been seeing him a little differently since we went to detention together. I think he's realized that he can really influence other people in school. So what about your parents? Do you know what it's like?"</p><p>Victor shakes his head nervously.</p><p>''I have no idea. But we talked a lot with my dad yesterday, so maybe he was able to talk some sense into my mom. And then if I can go home, that's a pretty good sign, right?"</p><p>Victor thinks back to that when he opens the apartment door. He immediately notices his bag in the hallway, and then remembers that it's the bag his father had prepared for him last night at the hotel.</p><p>He has never heard the apartment so quiet. And it makes him regret that he didn't want Felix to come home with him. He almost feels like going out again to call Felix, who must still be on the stairs, but a sob can be heard in the kitchen and Victor discovers his father and Pilar crying. </p><p>''What's going on?''</p><p>His father looks up at him looking really sorry.</p><p>''I'm sorry,<em> hijo</em>. I've tried but It was either she was going away with Adrian, or you were going to an institution for conversion therapy.''</p><p>Victor feels his heart breaking. So she's gone? Just like that? He doesn't have time to ask the slightest question when a hand goes on his shoulder and he jumps.</p><p>He turns to face his mother. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Mom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Victor doesn't have time to react then his father move and standing between him and his mother.</p><p>''No Isabel, you're not sending him there. I thought you'd left. I should have known you'd wait until he got home to pick on him."</p><p>His mother gives his father the stink look. A look that Victor never saw on his mother's face. A look so full of hatred, it's scary to see.</p><p>''I'm sure Victor can understand what's best for him and for our family. Victor, they're helping a lot of lost boys like you over there. You still have a reasonable boy, you're able to understand that this is best for everyone."</p><p>''Isabel's not trying to turn his head, I said no. Pilar, take Victor to his room, please."</p><p>His sister tries to pull him by the arm, but Victor doesn't move. </p><p>''Please'' begs Victor, with tears in his eyes. ''I'm gay but I'm still your son,<em> mamá.</em>''</p><p>"Don't call me that," Isabel screams "you don't have the right to call me that until you become my son again. I don't have a faggot son. My son's a good boy and"</p><p>"I'm still a good boy," Victor shouts "I'm still the same guy. I was already gay in Texas. I've always been gay. You just didn't know it. The only thing that's changed is that you know it now, but I haven't changed."</p><p>Victor stops and looks at his mother. But just by looking at her, he knows the battle is lost.</p><p>''Accept the help we offer, Victor. You can change, they say that many of the boys who come home end up with wives and children. Don't tell me you don't want a family, you've always been the center of our family. You love family. You'd be such a good father."</p><p>Victor sighs.</p><p>''Of course I want a family. I really hope someday I get married and have children and have a family together. But I want a husband. I don't want a wife. I'd be a father anyway, but"</p><p>''Bullshit!'' His mother yells out ''That's not a family. And now you're destroying our family, Victor."</p><p>"You've destroyed our family," Pilar shouts. "It's got nothing to do with him."</p><p>"She's right, Isabel" said Armando, moving backwards away from Victor. "You've destroyed our family. And you're the one who's issuing this ultimatum. I will not let you destroy my son. He's not going to be brainwashed by some kind of cult. He's perfect the way he is and you should love him that way."</p><p>Isabel looks at Victor and then opens the apartment door.</p><p>''From now on, you don't exist. You'll end up in hell and you'll have no one to blame but yourself because you refused God's help. Armando, I'll contact you through my lawyer. Pilar, are you sure? You wanted to go back to Texas so badly? Come with me."</p><p>Victor looks at his sister coming to stand in front of their mother.</p><p>''From now on I don't have a mother anymore, you don't exist.''</p><p>The slap she gets echoes all over the apartment and Armando pulls her back immediately.</p><p>''Isabel gets out of here. You're no longer welcome in our home. And I'm gonna fight for custody of Adrian."</p><p>Armando slams the door and Victor feels all his strength leaving his body. He falls to the ground, unable to stop crying, as Pilar takes him in her arms, immediately joined by their father.</p><p>''I'm so sorry. But the three of us are going to be all right. We're going to be all right, okay? I love you both very much."</p><p>A knock on the door makes all three of them jump. Armando gets up and opens the door so fast, it makes Felix jump.</p><p>''Excuse me, but I heard a lot of yelling. Victor it's okay?"</p><p>Armando signals him to come home and Felix immediately goes to give Victor a hug.</p><p>''Our mother left'' Pilar explains. ''She wanted to put him in a camp to make him straight, but Daddy refused, so she's going back to Texas with Adrian.''</p><p>Victor starts crying again and Pilar puts her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>''Hey, it's not your fault, okay. She was probably waiting for the first chance to get her fucking Roger back."</p><p>Victor looks up to look at his father in tears, but he's sitting around the kitchen table again with his head in his hands.</p><p>''Tell us what you want to do.'' asks Felix.</p><p>Victor sighs. He doesn't know. He doesn't want anything.</p><p>''I just want to lie down and sleep. Forget it. To die. I don't know. To be alone. I don't know."</p><p>Felix pulls him by the arm to stand up and then drags him to his room. He takes Victor's jacket and hangs it behind the door and then gently pushes Victor to lie down on his bed and then lies down behind him and wraps his arms around him.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>''Shhh.'' Félix stops him ''I know I'm not as attractive as Benji, but I'm here, okay? You're not alone, buddy. So let me hold you. You can lie down, sleep and try to forget, but you're certainly not going to die, and you're certainly not going to be alone. Get some rest, everything will be better tomorrow."</p><p>Victor starts crying again. Because no, nothing will be better tomorrow. Nothing will ever be the same again.</p><p>''Shit. I'm an idiot. I told you I didn't know how to say the right things."</p><p>Victor puts his hand on Felix's hand, on his waist.</p><p>''You're doing the right thing, Felix. Thank you for being here."</p><p>Felix squeezes him a little tighter and Victor closes his eyes.</p><p>''Anytime, best friend.''</p><p>When he wakes up, it's dark. He's still lying fully dressed on his bed and Felix's arm is still around his waist. Victor thinks about his whole day: the high school, the indiscreet questions, the nice comments, the incident in the locker room and especially the fight with his mother. He will never forget what she said, nor how she looked at him. He almost feels dirty because her look has sent him such a bad image of himself. He realizes that his breathing is too fast, but he doesn't know what to do. It was so hard. It hurts so much.</p><p>''Hey, baby, everything''</p><p>Victor is so startled that he pushes Benji out of bed. It makes a terrible noise, and Benji takes half of what Victor has on his bedside table with him. </p><p>"I'm sorry, Benji" Victor whispers, leaning over him and turning on the light, "you scared me."</p><p>Benji sits on the floor and smiles at him.</p><p>''I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to scare you. I can see you wish you'd found Felix."</p><p>Victor pulls him by the arm to come and sit on the bed.</p><p>''No, but I was expecting to find Felix, not you. You have nothing to be jealous of, you know, we're"</p><p>Benji gently places his index finger on Victor's lips.</p><p>''I know, I was just kidding. Besides, I know Felix and I know how much you mean to him. He's the one who gave your dad my number. Your dad called me, told me what happened and asked me if I could come over. Apparently Pilar and Felix agreed that you needed me, but if you prefer, I can leave and tell Felix to come back.''</p><p>Victor shakes his head and leans over Benji, crying. Benji lies down while holding Victor and gently stroking his back.</p><p>''It was so horrible. It hurts so bad. She said I don't exist for her anymore. She said I'm going to hell."</p><p>Benji holds him a little tighter when he kisses his hair.</p><p>''Do you believe that? In hell?''</p><p>Victor looks up at him, surprised.</p><p>''I guess so. You know, in my family, we don't really discuss religion, we just apply it without question. You don't believe in it?"</p><p>Benji shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''No. God is supposed to be love. He says <em>If someone hits you on your right cheek, hand him the other one, too</em>. He says <em>Forgive your neighbor for what he did to you</em> but... But God, he burn you in hell if you don't respect that? I don't think he does. I think people say that to scare other people, but I am convinced that if God exists, he loves us the way we are because he made us that way. God loves you, Victor. Your father loves you. Your sister loves you. Felix loves you. I'm pretty sure the whole Spier family and all of Simon's roommates love you. And I love you, Victor. Exactly the way you are. And those who can't see how perfect you are,they have no place in your life."</p><p>Victor starts crying again and Benji hugs him before he takes his phone out of his pocket.</p><p>''I figured since I kind of forced you to tell me your favorite songs, I could play mine. That's the one I listen to when I'm not feeling well."</p><p>Victor puts his hand on Benji's phone before the song starts.</p><p>''Can you play it for me, please? I like it when you play."</p><p>Benji shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''I'd love to, but I don't have my guitar, Victor. Amazing as it may seem, I don't totally live with Edith. Sometimes she just stays in my room. And since I came straight from work, I don't have it."</p><p>Victor rolls his eyes with a slight smile.</p><p>"Your guitar's not really named Edith, is it?"</p><p>Benji nods with a smile as he gently strokes Victor's cheek with his thumb.</p><p>''Of course it is, but it's a secret, no one knows, you're really the only one, even the band members don't know. My father gave it to me when I was 5 years old. My mother's an unconditional Louis Amstrong fan, and at that age I loved listening to the song<em> La vie en rose</em>. When I listened to the lyrics, I thought one day I'd like to find someone who could make me feel that way. And then I discovered that it was a French singer who came up with the song - Edith Piaf. So I dedicated my guitar to her."</p><p>Victor smiles.</p><p>''So you're going to play me<em> La vie en rose</em>?''</p><p>Benji shakes his head while Victor gets up.</p><p>''No, this one's played on the piano. But you could play it, someday."</p><p>Victor opens his closet and pulls out a guitar.</p><p>"Do you play the piano and the guitar?"</p><p>Victor shrugs his shoulders and smiles.</p><p>''Maybe, yeah. Sorry, she doesn't have a name."</p><p>Benji laughs and grabs the guitar.</p><p>''Won't it be too loud? Cause it's a song that you can't really sing softly."</p><p>Victor shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''I'm pretty sure nobody's sleeping here. And if they do, it won't be any louder than when you fell down. Do you want me to go check?"</p><p>Benji shakes his head as he sits in Victor's desk chair, quickly tunes the guitar, then plays while watching Victor.</p><p><br/>
<em>Twenty-five years and my life is still </em><br/>
<em>Trying to get up that great big hill of hope </em><br/>
<em>For a destination </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I realized quickly when I knew I should </em><br/>
<em>That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man </em><br/>
<em>For whatever that means </em>
</p><p>And as he listens to every word, Victor feels the tears running down his cheeks, but he no longer cries. He doesn't make any gesture to wipe his tears, he just stands there, watching Benji playing for him.</p><p>
  <em>And so I cry sometimes </em><br/>
<em>When I'm lying in bed </em><br/>
<em>Just to get it all out </em><br/>
<em>What's in my head </em><br/>
<em>And I am feeling a little peculiar </em><br/>
<em>And so I wake in the morning </em><br/>
<em>And I step outside </em><br/>
<em>And I take a deep breath and I get real high </em><br/>
<em>And I scream at the top of my lungs </em><br/>
<em>What's going on ? </em><br/>
<em>And I say, hey </em><br/>
<em>I said hey, what's going on ? </em>
</p><p>Victor closes his eyes and there's nothing left but him and Benji. Benji who came to his house. Benji who plays for him at 1:00 in the morning, not caring about getting yelled at by his father or the neighbors, or worse, by Pilar... Benji telling him he loves him.</p><p>
  <em>I try, oh my god do I try </em><br/>
<em>I try all the time, in this institution </em><br/>
<em>And I pray, oh my god do I pray </em><br/>
<em>I pray every single day </em><br/>
<em>For a revolution </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And so I cry sometimes </em><br/>
<em>When I'm lying in bed </em><br/>
<em>Just to get it all out </em><br/>
<em>What's in my head </em><br/>
<em>And I am feeling a little peculiar </em><br/>
<em>And so I wake in the morning </em><br/>
<em>And I step outside </em><br/>
<em>And I take a deep breath and I get real high </em><br/>
<em>And I scream at the top of my lungs </em><br/>
<em>What's going on ? </em><br/>
<em>And I say, hey </em><br/>
<em>I said hey, what's going on ? </em>
</p><p>Victor reopens his eyes and gets up to take the guitar from Benji's hands. He puts it next to the bed and pulls Benji against him, stopping only a few millimetres from his lips.</p><p>"I love you, Benji."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The song in question is what's up from 4 non blondes...Why this song? Because I just listen to him when I need comfort, that's all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Basketball game</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>''Victor! The game starts in less than five minutes, why aren't you on the field?"</p><p>Victor doesn't even look up. He's crouched in a corner of the locker room, knees raised to his chest, head in his hands.</p><p>"Victor, what the hell are you doing?" Andrew asks, crouching down in front of him "Are you okay?"</p><p>Victor shakes his head. No, he's not okay. He's not okay at all. He's been pretending to be okay all week, but he's not. He really thought that if he smiled, if he laughed with his friends, if he teased Benji while he was working, he could convince himself that he was okay. But the truth is, he's not. He's feeling broken. Abandoned. Empty.</p><p>''I can't do it, Andrew. I'm sorry, I can't do it. I'm gonna quit the team."</p><p>Andrew sighs and Victor hears his footsteps walking away. He's curling up a little more on himself. All he has to do is leave now. He doesn't dare think how disappointed his father, sister or Benji will be when they see he's not playing in the game. But it's too hard, he can't.</p><p>Footsteps resound, as if someone is running and Victor raises his head to see Benji running towards him, while Andrew points at him behind him.</p><p>''Victor, what's wrong? Talk to me, baby?"</p><p>''It's too hard.'' Victor sniffs. ''I can't do it. That was my mom's and my thing. I used to play, she'd embarrass me with a panel, but I loved it and she knew it. But playing without her, it's just too hard, it's just reminds me that she abandoned me and I can't. I'm sorry."</p><p>Benji kisses him and wraps his arms around him.</p><p>''You can do it, baby, and you got to do it. Your dad's here, your sister's here, and your team is counting on you. You can't abandon them. And I swear to God, when you walk into that gym, you're going to find out that a lot of people came out especially for you tonight. So I know this is hard for you, but I know your mom can't ruin your life. And when you play, you're so happy, Victor, I know you're playing for you. So show them who you are tonight. And if you feel sad, look at me. I'll be right behind a huge panel that says <em>I Love victor.</em>".</p><p>Victor looks at it and raises an eyebrow.</p><p>''Are you kidding me?"</p><p>Benji smiles as he wipes away Victor's tears.</p><p>''If you wanna find out, you're gonna have to come out on the field.''</p><p>Benji kisses him, gets up and waves him over before he disappears into the gym. Victor sighs, and then he gets up. </p><p>When he walks in the door, he immediately notices the panel <em>I love Victor </em>that Pilar gives to Benji. Next to Pilar, his father holds a panel <em>If you don't see the ball, it's because my son made a basket</em>. Next to Armando, Jack and Emily are waving at Victor. Nora is holding an panel <em>Go Victor ! </em>. And just behind Nora, Victor sees Bram and Simon smiling at him. His gaze immediately returns to Benji, who nods to him. In front of Benji, there are Felix, Lake and Mia laughing while eating sweets.</p><p>Victor feels really pumped up. It's as if his heart is going to explode. They've come for him. Bram and Simon came all the way from New York just for his game, it's just unbelievable. The whole Spier family came to see a high school game especially for him. Andrew pulls Victor towards him for the team grouping and the game starts between the two teams ready to win. </p><p>Andrew is in great shape tonight, and Victor is sure he wants to impress Mia because he can't stop watching if she looks at him. And as it turns out, Mia's only watching Andrew tonight. Just like Benji is only looking at Victor, apparently, because every time Victor looks in his direction, their eyes immediately meet. </p><p>At halftime, their team leads the game 14-6. They make their way to the locker room screaming as Victor sneaks into the stands. Benji comes directly to kiss him, while Bram and Simon hug him.</p><p>''I can't believe you guys are here! Thank you. Thank you so much."</p><p>''We didn't want to miss it'' says Simon. ''And then we wanted to meet Benji so badly. It's the first time Bram has missed a day of class, so you see how important it was for us to be there."</p><p>Benji already has his arms around Victor's waist and he's nodding.</p><p>''Salazar! Locker room!"</p><p>Victor jumps up and crosses the field to meet the coach.</p><p>"Sorry, Coach, my friends have come a long way."</p><p>''Then do their homage! Now everybody come here."</p><p>Coach talks about tactics most of the half. And Victor's so caught up in his own thoughts, he forgets to pee. He's thinking about it when the coach signals them to get on the field.</p><p>''I'm going to the bathroom, I'm gonna hurry up.''</p><p>''Hurry up!'' the coach yells.</p><p>Victor runs to the bathroom and smiles when he sees a member of the opposing team walk through the door at the same time. At least he won't be the last one.</p><p>''Why are you smiling like that, faggot? You think you're gonna be able to see my dick? I saw you with that other surfer."</p><p>Victor gasps almost immediately. He frowns and shakes his head.</p><p>''No, I figured I wouldn't be the last one to hit the field. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to see your dick. I just want to play and win."</p><p>The guy walks up to him and Victor feels the anxiety building up in him.</p><p>''In our high school, we don't like fags on our team, you're lucky you're here."</p><p>Victor looks at him without blinking.</p><p>''In our high school, we don't like idiots on our team, you're lucky you're not here."</p><p>He doesn't have time to smile with his own repartee when a fist hits his cheek.</p><p>''That's the way we treat faggtos like you back home.''</p><p>Victor closes his fist, ready to respond, but remembers that Benji told him in Atlanta: <em>You run fast.</em> And Benji's right, Victor can run but he doesn't know how to fight. So he rushes to the door and runs to the locker room. The only thing he forgot in his calculations is that the guy also plays on a team, so he's good at running.</p><p>''You're right, run away. And if you say that, you're dead. You can't even fight, you're really a fag."</p><p>Victor feels all the anger he's built up bubbling up inside him and he turns around. And it's all happening so fast that he can't even realize what's really going on. He throws his fist at the guy, whose nose immediately starts bleeding. But the guy punches him and then kicks him in the shins, causing him to fall and then kicks him twice in the stomach and once in the face. It takes a few seconds, or maybe a minute maximum, before Victor hears Benji's voice.</p><p>''Fucking asshole.''</p><p>Victor doesn't even really see what's going on. It's all blurry from the tears and the blood coming out of his arcard, but he hears the sound of someone's body hitting the locker room, and finally everything's quiet again.</p><p>''Baby, I'm here. Holy shit. Don't move."</p><p>If Victor wasn't in so much pain, he might laugh because he doesn't even know how he could move. But now he definitely can't laugh. He hears the door to the room slam and seconds later, he's got a whole bunch of people hovering around him. </p><p>''Get out of the way'' yells the coach, ''Give him some air, for Christ's sake.''</p><p>His father helps him to sit down while Simon wipes his face with water. Now that he can see better, he sees Jack picking up the boy from the other team, who apparently has a broken arm and a bloody nose, while Bram holds up Benji, who seems ready to hit him again.</p><p>''<em>Querido</em>.''</p><p>Even talking gives him a sore throat and Victor just wants to disappear. But Benji's gentle hand in his makes him feel better.</p><p>''You were right, <em>Querido</em>, I'd rather have a few bruises than let them win.''</p><p>Victor closes his eyes and lets himself fall against Benji. To be in Benji's arms is to be in the one place where he can let go of everything. </p><p>He hears them screaming, he hears him begging him to open his eyes, but he can't. He can't anymore. He's just tired of pretending to be okay.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. New family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>When he really comes to his senses, it takes him two minutes to find out where he is. Then he sees a picture of Simon and Bram. He's in Simon's room. Did he just dream it? He bends over to grab his phone and the pain in his stomach brings him back to reality. And the date on his cell phone too. It all really happened. And now he feels lonely. He's really lonely. He sits up holding his head. He's almost never had a headache like that in his life. He immediately hears his father's voice and walks slowly down the hallway.</p><p>''I'm totally lost'' his father says, ''That's not my son. He's never been in a fight, he's never hurt a fly. I've hardly ever seen him angry. I feel like I don't recognize him. He looks broken. How could she do this to him?"</p><p>He hears sobs, and even though he's seen him cry almost every day of the week, Victor thinks he'll never get used to it.</p><p>''Some mothers make up their own image of their child and don't accept that they don't conform.''</p><p>Victor is startled when he hears Emily's voice. He never thought his father would cry in front of a woman.</p><p>''He will be all right, Armando. He knows you are there for him. You accepted Benji much sooner than Victor thought you would, and I know from experience how much it means to him. I'm sure he's feeling a lot of anger over the abandonment of"</p><p>"I'm not angry," Victor said softly as he came down the stairs. He reach the bottom of the stairs and sighs "I'm not angry, I'm sad. I feel like I have a void in me and I feel like nothing and no one will ever be able to fill it. And I feel horrible to think that, because clearly there is you, Dad, and Pilar, and Benji, and Felix, and Simon and Bram, and all your family, Emily who cares about me and is there for me, but I feel horribly alone. And I don't know how to stop feeling that."</p><p>Arms immediately around his waist and Victor doesn't have to turn around to know they belong to Benji. He bends over to line up his back against Benji's chest, and Benji gently squeezes him.</p><p>''Everything you feel is valid, baby. You don't have to pretend for us. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, I was on the phone with my parents."</p><p> ''I felt that way for a long time.'' Bram said softly as he left the living room with Felix. ''I know it's not the same because I wasn't close to my father, but I know how much it hurts. It's like mourning, it takes time, it always hurts, but one day it doesn't feel like dying when you think about it, and then you learn to live with it."</p><p>Bram puts his hand on Victor's shoulder while Felix takes him in his arms, holding Benji at the same time. At the same moment, the door opens and Jack and Simon appear, their arms loaded with Wendy's bags.</p><p>''Dinner is served'' shouts Jack before he realises they're all in the hallway ''Oh sorry. Dinner is served."</p><p>''Oh Victor, how are you?'' asks Simon as he gives the bags to his mother.</p><p>Victor tries to smile and shrug your shoulders. Maybe the first step is to stop saying he's okay when he's not.</p><p>Simon smiles at him while Jack calls Nora who goes downstairs with Pilar.</p><p>''Am I allowed to ask why we're here?'' says Victor softly, ''but I'm very happy we're all here. Thank you very much, Jack and Emily."</p><p>"First of all, we live closer to the school," said Simon.</p><p>Victor's rolling his eyes because he knows it's not true.</p><p>''Actually nobody wanted to leave you and Emily wanted to watch you.'' said Pilar ''and since there were so many of us, Nora suggested we had more space here.''</p><p>''And then I wanted to cook for you so badly'' laughed Jack as he took the hamburgers and fries out of the bags.''</p><p>''Thank you. It's... more easier."</p><p>Victor looks at his father nodding his head. Of course his father understands that everything in their apartment reminds him of his mother. As soon as he looks in the living room or the kitchen, he sees his mother's decorations and he wants to cry.</p><p>''We'll move if you want, Victor.'' says Armando softly.</p><p>Victor immediately shakes his head.</p><p>''No, Papa, I don't want that.''</p><p>"Neither do I!" Felix moans "Please, Armando. I'm sure if I help you redecorate, you'll already feel like you're in a new apartment."</p><p>Victor taps Felix's shoulder and smiles at him. And Felix smiles immediately, getting the message: <em>They won't keep me away from you, buddy.</em></p><p>"So?" Nora finally asks him as he bites her hamburger "What happened? Because that little prick admitted he was looking for you, but he didn't say what really happened."</p><p>"Nora!" Emily scolds.</p><p>''No, it's okay Emily.'' Victor says softly. ''We were in the bathroom at the same time. He started saying I was just coming to watch him. I don't know why all straight people think that gays want to jump on them. He told me that in their school they don't like fags, so I told him that in ours we don't like idiots.'".</p><p>"Didn't you say that?" Felix asks with wide-eyed eyes.</p><p>Victor nods his head with a big proud smile.</p><p>''Yes! It wasn't as subtle as Benji's response to the guy who came up to us in Atlanta, but I was pretty happy with my response.''</p><p>''I'm proud of you, baby.'' Benji whispers before he kisses him on the cheek.</p><p>''I can't even imagine you saying that.'' Bram admits with a smile ''It's..."</p><p>"When Bram can't find words, he's really impressed!" Simon laughs "Well done!"</p><p>''Except he punched me in the face.'' Victor continues ''So I left. And as I walked through the locker room, he told me I was clearly a fag because I was running away. And I don't know, it pissed me off. It really pissed me off. I'm just sick of people trying to pin all the stereotypes about gay people on me. So I hit him."</p><p>''You broke his nose!'' said Felix, raising his hand between them. ''Well done, buddy!"</p><p>Victor slaps Felix's hand in his own, smiling, then bites his lower lip as he looks at his father.</p><p>''I'm sorry, Dad, I know I'm not normally like this. But I'd rather have a few bruises than leave them intimidate me."</p><p>Armando nods his head and smiles.</p><p>''I'm proud of you, son. I know I shouldn't say this, but I am. Violence doesn't solve everything, and I hope this is your last fight, but I'm glad you silenced that <em>gilipollas</em>."</p><p>"Actually." corrects Victor "it was Benji who silenced him. How'd you do it, he was so much bigger than you?"</p><p>Benji giggles.</p><p>"Thank you! Call me a midget while you're at it."</p><p>The whole table laughs at Benji's falsely offended look.</p><p>''My dad bought me some self-defence classes after I told him I was gay. He thought it might come in handy if I got picked on for it."</p><p>"Your father's a wise man." Pilar says, "<em>Papa</em>, I want to do the same, and so does Victor. We should all know how to defend oneself."</p><p>Armando nods in agreement, stealing chips from Victor.</p><p>''That's a really great idea! I'll find out about it tomorrow."</p><p>"Okay." says Jack "So who wants to play Hedbanz?"</p><p>"Oh, Dad." Simon moans, "Again? Don't you know another game?</p><p>Jack smiles and nods.</p><p>"It's the best game there is in the world. Come on, I'll get the post-its."</p><p>And right in the middle of the game, Victor realizes that the ten of them really do look like a family. He looks at Pilar laughing with Nora, making fun of Armando who's upset not to discover the character on his forehead (who is Spiderman). Bram bends over gently to kiss Simon's cheek. For no reason, just like that, in the middle of the game. Just because he loves him. Just because he's happy to share this moment with Simon and his family. Bram looks really happy. Maybe he's right. Maybe the pain inside Victor will subside. Maybe he won't feel alone anymore. Maybe he'll be really happy one day too.</p><p>Benji gently caresses his thigh and Victor puts his hand on his, intertwining their fingers. He looks again at all the people around the table and can't help but think he's lucky to have them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Barista</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It's his alarm clock that brings Victor out of sleep and he notices that he hasn't slept as well all week. Maybe it's because his father has allowed Benji to sleep at their house and sleeping in Benji's arms is just a taste of heaven. He'd definitely prefer to find him next to him when he wakes up, but instead, there's a note.</p><p>
  <em>Sarah asked me to do the opening. I'll see you later, babe. Maybe if you come in a little early, I could show you my latest coffee artwork. Love you.<br/></em>
</p><p>Victor looks at the clock and then gets up. He starts his shift in an hour. When he gets to the kitchen, his father is eating with Pilar.</p><p>''Who made pancakes?'' asks Victor.</p><p>"It's me." says Armando. "But I followed your recipe to the letter." </p><p>"I swear they're really good!" said Pilar.</p><p>Victor sits down, smiling, and takes two. And indeed, they're really good.</p><p>"Well done, Dad, they're really good."</p><p>''Now that we know you can cook, you'll have to do it more often.'' says Pilar. ''By the way, Victor, Adrian's coming home tomorrow.''</p><p>Victor drops his fork and it crashes into his plate, and the resulting noise startled the three of them. He looks at his sister and she smiles. She says that, as if it's trivial, as if it's just information, but there's nothing trivial about it. In Victor's head, this little phrase sounds like a bomb.</p><p>''How is that? She coming too?"</p><p>Armando shakes his head.</p><p>''No Victor. She's not coming. Your grandparents are going on the road with him. He's coming back to live with us."</p><p>''Roger doesn't love Adrian,'' says Pilar.</p><p>His father looks at her frowning and Pilar gets angry immediately. And that makes Victor smile, at least some things don't change in their family.</p><p>''It's not totally that."explains their father ''He just cries and asks for you. It's what's best for him.''</p><p>Victor nods, but he looks at Pilar and they exchange that look that only siblings can understand. It's clear that their mother has decided to start a new life and that a noisy and crying boy who just wants to leave is not the ideal place to start a romance. </p><p>Victor arrives at the café fifteen minutes early. Just in time to see Derek bent over the counter, in the middle of a conversation with Benji laughing. Is life going to stop fucking him one day or is he caught in a hellish loop where everything goes wrong?</p><p>He hesitates to enter the café but Benji sees him and waves to him with a big smile. He shows it to Derek who stands up and greets Victor, but without a smile. Derek takes his coffee and leaves the café without a word.</p><p>''Hey, you. Wait, I'll make you a special boyfriend coffee.''</p><p>Victor tries to smile, but even he knows that doesn't sound right.</p><p>"Hey," Benji says quietly, putting his hand on his, "he was just coming to tell me about the band. Anyway, he's got a new boyfriend. And I've got you, you've got nothing to worry about, you know.''</p><p>''Sorry.''</p><p>That's all Victor can say. And frankly, he hates himself. That's not who he is. He feels like a fraud. That's not the Victor that Benji fell in love with. That's not the Victor that Benji wants. And that's not the Victor that Victor wants. But he doesn't know how to stop feeling all that sadness inside. And the anger. Yeah, maybe Emily was right, maybe he's just angry, actually.</p><p>''Hey, don't apologize, baby. You have a right to be upset, but it's my job to reassure you and remind you that I love you, okay?''</p><p>Benji gently strokes his cheek and Victor leans over his hand a little bit more to enjoy that touch. </p><p>''You want your coffee? I swear I've been practicing. You're gonna love it.''</p><p>Victor nods with a smile and sits on one of the stools to watch Benji at work. When Benji hands him his coffee, Victor can't stop his smile from growing. </p><p>Victor draws a heart, and inside there are two guitars. On the cup, he wrote <em>You and I make a perfect duo.</em></p><p>Victor raises his head to Benji who smiles tenderly at him.</p><p>''I love you, too, you know. I'm really sorry, I feel like such a mess."</p><p>Benji shakes his head as he bends over to kiss him before being interrupted by a customer.</p><p>''I want the same thing as that boy.'' says the 20-something, laughing, ''and I'm not talking about the coffee.''</p><p>Benji laughs as he turns to him.</p><p>''I'm sorry, I'm saving it for this very, very special customer. But what can I get you?"</p><p>Victor watches Benji prepare the orders. It makes him so sexy when he's working. He's so focused and delicate in his movements, and Victor could stare at him for hours. But right now, he can't because he has to take his place. So he gets up and lifts the counter, but Benji gently pushes him away.</p><p>''You're not working today, I saw that with Sarah. I'm going to change and we're going to go."</p><p>Victor rests the swinging part of the counter.</p><p>"Where are we going?"</p><p>Benji reappears at the same time Sarah does. </p><p>"Surprise."</p><p>And clearly, Victor doesn't expect Benji to take him home at all. And when he means home, he doesn't mean Benji's home. No, it's Victor's. They're standing outside the apartment door, and that's when Victor understands.</p><p>''Oh, you want to play together? Is that why you took Edith?"</p><p>Benji smiles and opens the door.</p><p>"Not quite."</p><p>Victor hears laughter immediately. Then a thud and Felix apologizing.</p><p>"OK, OK, I'll be careful, sorry."</p><p>"Luckily it wasn't open." Victor recognizes Bram's voice. "You're even more clumsy than Simon. And to think I thought it was impossible."</p><p>Everyone laughs and they're still laughing when Victor discovers them in the living room. Pilar is surrounded by Bram, Simon, Nora, Felix, Lake, Mia and even Andrew. And the living room is an incredible mess.</p><p>''What the hell?''</p><p>''I've decided we're going to change this whole apartment!'' Pilar says with a big smile ''Felix was right, I want to feel like I've changed apartments. Dad agrees, and our friends are only too eager to come and help us. So now we've got everything ready to repaint this wall. And while some of us are painting, others are taking care of the bedrooms. You're gonna take the room that Adrian had, he put it in Dad's room. Dad's taking mine and I'm taking your old room. Total change! It's like a starting over, the three of us with Dad."</p><p>Victor's totally stunned by it. And everyone stops to look at him, looking forward to his reaction.</p><p>"Okay, are you gonna stay here or are you gonna help us?"</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I warn you in advance, there won't be any update tomorrow, I'm leaving for a big day at the seaside...so have a good week end and see you on Monday :-)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Normal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Victor looks at the living room and smiles. It's just perfect. He doesn't even feel like it's the same apartment anymore. The sofa is now on the right, while the piano has disappeared. His father promised to buy a keyboard from him if he wanted, but he sold the piano and it's fine with Victor. </p><p>Lake and Mia left ten minutes ago to go to dinner with Mia's father and his fiancée, promising Victor and Benji a triple date very soon. Oddly enough, even though the intention is very nice, Victor would rather go out just with Benji than with the whole band. But hey, it's nice to just be a couple among the others, so even if it's weird, they'll probably do it. Anyway, when Lake decided something, it's pretty hard to change his mind.</p><p>"Shall we go?" Simon asks as he puts on his jacket and hands it to Victor.</p><p>Victor looks at him but doesn't take his jacket.</p><p>"Where are we going?"</p><p>"You're going out with the guys" says Pilar. "I'm taking advantage of your absence to invite my new friends here. Alice and Nora are going to sleep here. See you tomorrow, Victor."</p><p>Victor looks at her in disbelief.</p><p>''Uh...okay? Where do I sleep?"</p><p>Benji smiles at him as he runs his hand through his hair.</p><p>''My place? If you want, of course. My parents are out of town for the weekend, so the idea was we'll go out to Atlanta with the guys for dinner and then they'll drop us off at my house and we'll come back here tomorrow when..."</p><p>Benji stops by and looks at Pilar, obviously needing some help. And Victor understands. He closes his eyes for two seconds, takes a deep breath and takes Benji's hand in his own.</p><p>''It's perfect. Pilar, tell us when you think we can go home."</p><p>Pilar nods her head and tries to smile. Victor understands that he has to stay away from home while his father talks to their grandparents and makes sure they agree to accept Victor without making a scene. And all this makes him feel a lot. He wants to thank his father for <span>to let him sleep at Benji's </span>so that he doesn't have to endure another confrontation, but he's tired of everyone having to accept him. He's tired of not being normal. Tired of not fitting in. He just wants to be like everyone else.</p><p>And Simon seems to understand him completely because after eating paninis while walking through the streets of Atlanta, he shows him the front of a bar where two rainbow flags are flying.</p><p>''You can't drink here because you're not 21, but who cares, right? You're gonna love the vibe. We used to come here with Bram from time to time last year. Sometimes you just need to be in a place surrounded by guys who look like you. It makes us feel less lonely."</p><p>Victor immediately looks at Felix and Andrew, but they smiles.</p><p>"'Don't worry, buddy'' laughs Felix as he puts his arm around his neck '" we knew it. Simon says it's good that we realize what it's like to be in the minority. But it's not like it's written on our heads that we're straight anyway. I agree to test my gay side one evening, as long as no one says so in Lake. To look is not to cheating anyway."</p><p>Victor looks at Andrew and is a little surprised that he's willing to go with them.</p><p>''What if somebody recognizes you and, like, says it in high school, you''</p><p>''Fuck that'' says Andrew ''They can say what they want, I don't care. I know who I am, that's all that matters. And tonight, I just want to be with friends. Ok, I wouldn't have thought of including you both as my friends, but sometimes life has surprises in store for us.And then it's going to be cool, I love to be admired so here I'm going to wreak havoc."</p><p>"Honestly," Bram says, pushing the door. "This is the best gay bar in Atlanta. The other ones are creepy, old people always trying to hook us up. This place is really cool."</p><p>Victor nods, putting an arm around Benji's waist. The vibe's not as great as it was in New York, but it's really cool. Felix gets hit on by an incredible number of guys, which makes Andrew totally jealous, which makes the whole table laugh. </p><p>Finally Victor and Benji dance together for a while and Victor even finds himself laughing when he sees Andrew and Felix dancing together so they are not hit on anymore. Benji looks at him and the look he sends him leaves Victor speechless.</p><p>''I love to hear you laugh, baby. You're so beautiful."</p><p>Benji bends over to kiss him, and Victor closes his eyes and pulls him in. And all of a sudden, it's all gone : the guys dancing around, the bar, their friends... It's just him and Benji. Victor's hands slowly go down into Benji's lower back and he pulls him closer without stopping kissing him. And he's moaning because clearly Benji's as tough as he is. Benji breaks the kiss by panting. </p><p>"We"</p><p>''We thought we might be going home?'' Felix offers, looking at them with a huge smile.</p><p>''Yeah'' confirms Andrew ''it's getting a bit too hot in here, frankly I feel like we're guy magnets and it's even worse when we pretend to be together. I've always liked being watched, but this is just too much, it's just too weird. Everyone looks at Felix and smiles at him, but they only look at my ass. I feel like an object."</p><p>Victor giggles and nods.</p><p>''Yeah, that's a great idea. Thank you so much for tonight."</p><p>This is definitely one of the best nights of his life. Not because it was a gay bar, but because he was able to dance without question, because he wasn't scared once tonight. Because he realized that he has incredible friends who are willing to do anything to make sure he has a good time tonight. Because he has an incredible boyfriend who seems to want only one thing: to erase everything that makes him sad.</p><p>He still thanks them when Simon drops them off in front of Benji's house. </p><p>''See you tomorrow, 10 o'clock, then.'' Reminds Bram as he greets them.</p><p>''See you guys tomorrow, have a good night.''</p><p>''You too!'' Shouts Simon as he pulls the car back. He winked at Victor, who made him blush.</p><p>Victor turns to Benji who opens the front door.</p><p>''Welcome to my home. Would you like something to drink?"</p><p>Victor shakes his head.</p><p>"No."</p><p>He knows what he wants. He wants to feel good. He wants to get lost in Benji's arms. He wants Benji to look at him with the same look that he had when he was laughing. He wants to be happy. And he knows exactly what would make him happy.</p><p>''I want to go to your room.''</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. laughter, hugs and love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>For two seconds, Victor wonders if Benji is going to say no to him and he feels his heart racing but Benji takes his hand and pulls him into the house to close the door behind him. </p><p>He puts him against the door and kisses him gently. Then he lets go of his lips and kisses him along his jaw to his ear.</p><p>"Are you sure, baby?"</p><p>Victor nods his head so vigorously that Benji giggles and Victor bursts out laughing. Benji guides him upstairs and pushes a door. And Victor smiles. Because Benji's room looks so much like him... there are concert posters all over the walls, but there are also a lot of drawings that he did.</p><p>Victor lets go of Benji's hand and walks up to one of them. It's clearly a drawing of Victor and Benji in high school, hand in hand, kissing in the middle of the hallway. Victor runs his finger over the drawing and then walks back towards Benji.</p><p>He intertwines their fingers and runs his other hand through Benji's hair, squeezing it lightly between his fingers, making Benji moan immediately as he grabs Victor's mouth. </p><p>Victor removes Benji's jacket before taking off his own. He slides his hands under Benji's shirt and Benji doesn't stop him so he breaks the kiss to take it off. And there's two seconds of stunned silence because Benji is so beautiful.</p><p>''You're so beautiful."</p><p>Benji looks up and smiles. And Victor immediately blushes. He was never really going to say that out loud.</p><p>"Can I?" Benji asks, playing with the bottom of Victor's shirt. </p><p>Victor nods his head and helps Benji take it off before pulling it towards him. And the touch of their two naked torsos makes him shiver. Benji is so fresh.</p><p>''You're so fucking hot.'' Benji exclaims.</p><p>Victor bursts out laughing, immediately followed by Benji.</p><p>''I meant hot, your temperature, not your attitude. Although, also...yeah...but... but why I would say that? Oh, Victor, you make me so nervous."</p><p>Victor bends over to kiss him.</p><p>''Don't be nervous, I'm the one who's nervous. You're supposed to be the one who's not nervous."</p><p>Benji shakes his head and places his hands on Victor's cheeks.</p><p>''I'm nervous because I love you and I really want you, and I know it's mutual, but I want to take our time.''</p><p>In response, Victor gently strokes Benji's arm before bending over to kiss him. He pulls it slightly towards him while lying down on Benji's bed, so that Benji is lying on top of him. </p><p>Victor uses his legs to roll them over and Benji lies underneath him. He straightens up a little and kisses him in the neck and then on the collarbone before whispering.</p><p>"I love you so much, <em>Querido.</em>"</p><p>Benji groans and squirming underneath him, and Victor smiles. He lies back gently, moaning in Benji's mouth as their dicks rub. He can't even be bothered with his erection because Benji's in the same state and it's just super exciting.</p><p>"What do you want to do, baby?"</p><p>Benji's voice is just a panting sigh and it's even more exciting. Victor kisses him then answers.</p><p>''Whatever you want, I'm ready."</p><p>Benji nods with a smile and lets his hands come down to unbutton Victor's jeans before he takes them off. Victor kisses him on the stomach, then unbutton his pants and lays back down on top of him. And if the feeling was exciting when they had their pants on, now, in boxers, it's downright electrifying. </p><p>Victor shifts to the side, keeps kissing Benji and lets his hand slide down his chest before caressing him through his boxers.</p><p>''Damn Victor, you're so...''</p><p>Benji closes his eyes without finishing his sentence and Victor kisses him on the neck. Benji's hand slips under his boxers and gently caresses him. Victor lets his head rest on Benji's neck and stops. It's just too good. It really has nothing to do with touching yourself.</p><p>Benji gently pushes him on his back and straddles him and then kisses him from neck to navel before gently sliding his boxer shorts down. He makes one last eye contact with Victor, but Victor already has his eyes closed.</p><p>''You stop me at any time, okay?''</p><p>Victor hums but doesn't respond. So Benji gives him a nudge.</p><p>''Ok."</p><p>''Any time, okay? We can stop anytime you want. <span>I don't care you know, I just want you to be fine.</span>"</p><p>Victor opens his eyes and gently caresses Benji's cheek, nodding his head.</p><p>"I promise, I will. <span>But for now, I have no doubt that I want to continue, if you want it too.</span>"</p><p>Benji puts two kisses on Victor's dick before taking it in his mouth. And Victor groans immediately.</p><p>"Esto es tan bueno"</p><p>Benji smiles as he continues to suck it, and Victor follows his rhythm, moving his hips slightly. Benji's pretty sure Victor doesn't notice that, and it makes him even hotter. </p><p>"I'm so... I want... stop."</p><p>Benji stops immediately and lies down right next to Victor, their noses touching. He gently caresses Victor's cheek as he gasps.</p><p>"Talk to me, baby."</p><p>Victor reopens his eyes and smiles.</p><p>''I was really close.''</p><p>Benji chuckles as he kisses his nose.</p><p>"That was the point, baby."</p><p>Victor chuckles, rolls his eyes and gently shakes his head.</p><p>"I want you, Benji, I want to make love to you."</p><p>Benji caresses Victor, who immediately groans and comes over to kiss his neck before whispering in your ear.</p><p>''Ok, but not like that. You're too close, you wouldn't be able to hold on and you wouldn't have time to enjoy it. So come for me, Victor, and after, we'll do it. <span>The night is long.</span>"</p><p>Victor nods his head as he takes Benji's mouth back to his own. Benji lines up his dick against Victor's and strokes them both at the same time while whispering in Victor's ear.</p><p>"I want you to make love to me, Victor."</p><p>Victor moans and Benji caresses them a little faster. Victor moves slightly so he can whisper in Benji's ear.</p><p>"I'm going to make love to you with words of love and kisses around your neck, j<span>ust as you deserve.</span>"</p><p>Benji moans and squeezes himself a little tighter against Victor. He closes his eyes and his head now rests on Victor's shoulder.</p><p>"I love you, Benji. You're the most incredible man on earth. I love you so much.<span>You make me feel so good. </span><span>You are a ray of sunshine.</span>''</p><p>Benji arrives, trembling with all his body and moaning the name of Victor. And Victor immediately follows him, the vision of Benji and hearing him moan his name making him come totally.</p><p>They remain panting, in each other's arms, eyes closed, trying to return to normal breathing.</p><p>"Are you okay?"</p><p>Victor opens his eyes to look at Benji looking at him. And that look is just unbelievable. When Benji looks at him like that, Victor feels like a wonder.</p><p>''Of course I'm okay. And you?"</p><p>Benji smiles, kisses him, and then he gets up slowly.</p><p>''I could use a shower. Will you come with me?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Sex and Tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>For half a second, Victor begins to think that he never thought he would be able to take a shower with another boy. And then Benji runs his hands through his hair to chase the shampoo out of his hair and the thought evaporates. It's not just a boy, it's the boy that makes his heart beat.</p><p>And his heart beats even faster when, after the shower, Benji grabs his guitar and starts playing, just wearing a towel. </p><p>Victor feels his cheeks turn red when he thinks about everything he wants to do. And despite his complexion, Benji must notice because he puts down his guitar and comes to lie down on the bed, dragging Victor to lie down in front of him.</p><p>''I love you so much, I feel like I could explode,'' Victor says before he kisses Benji.</p><p>They spend a few minutes fondling each other before Victor whispers in his ear.</p><p>"I really want you."</p><p>Benji stops immediately and pushes him back just a little so he can look at him.</p><p>''I've always been the top.'' </p><p>Victor nods his head and smiles at him.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>Benji seems hesitant to continue.</p><p>''Talk to me, <em>Querido</em>, we need to be comfortable enough to talk.''</p><p>Benji nods and smiles and kisses his head before taking a little breath.</p><p>''I would have liked to be botom many times, but Derek said he was too gay to be the top. Anyway, I don't want to talk about him. I just thought it could be our first time together, if you want. Let it be new for both of us. Unless you'd rather be"</p><p>"No" Victor stops him. "Not really. But are you sure you want this? I've never, you know. I don't want to hurt you."</p><p>Benji giggles and hugs Victor.</p><p>"You'll never be able to hurt me, baby."</p><p>Benji grabs Victor's lips and they kiss again for a moment, caressing and moaning in each other's mouths, then Benji squeezes open his bedside table drawer. He pulls out a tube of lubricant and a condom and hands it to Victor.</p><p>"You want me to get ready?"</p><p>Victor nods. Benji lubricates his fingers and kisses him again, squirming to find his hole as Victor gently caresses him. He uses his other hand to caress Victor. When he thinks he's ready, he pulls his fingers out and grabs the condom, which he tears.</p><p>''Are you still sure? You know we can stop if you want. We can wait."</p><p>Victor puts his forehead against Benji's forehead.</p><p>''I'm sure. You too?"</p><p>In response, Benji unrolls a condom on Victor's dick. He lies on his side, turning his back to Victor, but Victor pulls him to roll him onto his back before coming between his legs.</p><p>''I want to see you, Benji. Please."</p><p>Benji nods his head and locks his legs around Victor while squeezing him close to him. Victor bends over so he can kiss Benji before straightening up and pushing slightly into him. He feels Benji stretch out immediately and stretches out to be able to kiss him all over his face, his hands intertwining with Benji's hands. </p><p>And at that very moment, Victor is torn between the desire to close his eyes to concentrate and to move forward as gently as possible, and the desire to get lost in Benji's eyes.</p><p>"You can move, baby."</p><p>Victor slowly backs away before he comes back and closes his eyes. It's just too much. It's so intense. </p><p>His head goes back into Benji's neck, and he's kissing him gently.</p><p>"You're so wonderful."</p><p>And then he goes back and comes back a little deeper. Benji moans as he does. He kisses him again on the other side of his neck as he makes sweet love to him. </p><p>"You make me so happy, Benji."</p><p>Benji lets go of his hands and grabs her face so Victor can look at him.</p><p>''I love you, Victor. You are unbelievable."</p><p>They kiss wildly as Benji lays his hands on Victor's hips to guide him into a higher rhythm. And before long, they can't even speak, and they're just gasping for breath. </p><p>''<span>Esto es tan bueno.</span>"</p><p>Victor stands up slightly to look at Benji and the angle allows him more depth. He directly touches Benji's sensitive point which closes his eyes and moans.</p><p>''Yeah, right there. Again."</p><p>Victor does it again, and Benji immediately begins to moan.</p><p>"I'm really close."</p><p>Victor looks at him and smiles as he continues back and forth.</p><p>"Come for me, my love."</p><p>Victor increases his pace, pursuing his own orgasm as he lays back on Benji so he can kiss him. He tries to hold on as long as he can, not wanting to be the first to finish, but when Benji sucks his earlobe, it completely overwhelms him. And Benji comes up to his chest almost at the same time.</p><p>Victor totally crashes into Benji, out of breath, and slowly pulls himself out. He feels a small drop running down his cheek and before he understands what's really going on, Benji bursts into tears. </p><p>Victor immediately stands next to him and hugs him.</p><p>''What have I done? I'm sorry, I really"</p><p>Benji shakes his head and tries to wipe away his tears, but it's a waste of time because there's news coming.</p><p>''Nothing. It was perfect. So perfect. I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm sorry, I'm ruining it, it was so wonderful."</p><p>Victor holds him tighter and kisses him on the forehead.</p><p>''Don't be sorry, you're not ruining anything. Are you sure you're all right?"</p><p>Benji nods his head and puts it on Victor's chest.</p><p>"And you?"</p><p>Victor smiles. He couldn't be smiling more.</p><p>''I feel like I've discovered one of the secrets of the universe. It was incredible. I love you."</p><p>Benji looks up to kiss him before he puts it back on his chest. He gently removes the condom and tosses it into the trash can next to his bed.</p><p>''I love you. You're so perfect." Benji whispers "Thank you."</p><p>Victor doesn't have to bend over to know he's falling asleep. Victor watches him fall asleep before he kisses him on the forehead one last time and falls asleep, too. </p><p>It's just perfect.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Happy end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"Abulo, what are you doing here?"</p><p>Victor watches his grandfather enter the cafe where he works, accompanied by Adrian.</p><p>"Your brother wanted a snack, so I might as well make my grandson work."</p><p>Victor smiles at him and then leans over the counter to give him a kiss. </p><p>"Hi Tito" Benji says as he comes back from the reservation. "Hey, buddy, how was school today?"</p><p>Adrian comes under the counter to give Benji a hug.</p><p>"I'm glad it's finally over! I got an A because of what you taught me about frogs. You're way better at biology than Victor or Pilar. Thanks, Ben!"</p><p>Adrian goes under the counter again before he sits down on one of the bar stools.</p><p>''I want Benji to make me some hot cocoa with a dinosaur on it. You'll see, Abuelo, he's really good at drawing on the coffee."</p><p>Benji smiles at Adrian, and he's making his special order for him.</p><p>''Oh, I know, the other morning at home, he wrote Abuelo on mine, and Abuela with a heart on your grandmother's. Now she's telling everyone how great Victor's boyfriend is.''</p><p>Benji blushes slightly as Victor giggles and kisses him.</p><p>"He is !''</p><p>Abuelo takes the coffee Victor hands him while Benji hands a cup of cocoa to Adrian, a scary dinosaur drawn in the foam. </p><p>"So, Benji, are you ready?'</p><p>Benji shrugs his shoulders as he approaches the counter.</p><p>''I don't know, I'm a little scared. I've never been to New York before, and Victor won't give me any indication of what we're gonna do there. But I know he's got a busy week planned because he's been calling our friends over there all the time to change the schedule. So I'm in a hurry to get there, but I'm a little worried about what's ahead."</p><p>Victor rolls his eyes as he puts an arm around Benji's waist.</p><p>''He's overreacting. We're gonna have a great week's vacation. What do you and Adrian have planned?"</p><p>''We're going to the zoo,'' Adrian says with a big smile, ''and I want to go to the aquarium, too. And then to the movies with Mathéo and Flavie. Dad promised to take me out to dinner on his day off. Abuela is going to cook mornings with Pilar and Nora so we have to find something else to do, I don't want to be their guinea pig."</p><p>''Neither do I.'' Laughs Grandpa before taking a sip of coffee ''but your Abuela's happy that Pilar is taking a little interest in cooking, and her friend is a breath of fresh air. We are delighted that your father has asked us to come and look after you, my little man, while your brother travels the world. We've got to enjoy it while you guys are young, you're right."</p><p>Victor nods and looks at the time. They're off duty in two hours. Their bags are already packed and waiting for them in the storeroom. All they'll have to do is walk to the bus station to catch the bus. And after only 22 hours, they will be there. </p><p>When the bus parks in New York, Victor thinks that the bus ride is much faster than the first time. Being able to chat and listen to music with Benji made it a lot nicer than when he came alone.</p><p>He immediately spotted Bram and Simon walking towards them, smiling before taking them in his arms. And when Bram kisses him, this time Victor doesn't jump. It all seems so far away to him. Really far away. </p><p>He hasn't seen Bram and Simon since they came for his basketball match, and when they repainted the apartment and he really missed them during his two months. </p><p>''Oh Victor, how you've changed!'' remarks Simon as he looks at him again.</p><p>Victor shrugs his shoulders but Benji nods.</p><p>''Yeah, he does, doesn't he? It's not just his earring that makes him so sexy, it's that he's become so confident."</p><p>Victor rolls his eyes and pushes him over a little bit. </p><p>''Nonsense. I'm just being myself."</p><p>Benji wraps his arm around Victor's waist and pulls it towards him laughing.</p><p>''That's exactly what I'm saying, baby. And I like it. I love you."</p><p>Victor turns around and hugs Benji and kisses him. </p><p>"I love you, too."</p><p>''22h sitting next to each other and the first thing you do when you get there is this... you guys are so cute.''</p><p>Victor looks at Bram and nods. He's right. </p><p>"Okay, shall we go?" asks Simon.</p><p>As soon as they get to the apartment, Justin hugs Victor, jumping for joy.</p><p>"At last! You really need to come and see us more often! Oh, here comes the famous Benji."</p><p>Justin drops Victor and pulls Benji up against him. </p><p>"We're gonna have the best week ever!" Justin promises Justin. </p><p>"OK," says Simon, "you can take the room at the end of the hall on the right, Ivy's on holiday with her sister for the week."</p><p>They've just got time to put their bags down so Victor looks at the time and pulls Benji by the arm to get them back in the living room.</p><p>''I'm just finishing my make-up and I'm ready.'' Justin says. </p><p>Benji gives Victor a slight nudge to turn to him.</p><p>''You know, if you want to, you can.''</p><p>It takes Victor two seconds to figure out what he's talking about, then he realises he's talking about make-up. It's true that since they've been together, Victor's been wanting to try a lot of things. Starting with his earring. He always wanted to have one but never dared to. Well in retrospect, he thinks he should have told his father before because the poor had to face this new shock when he came back home with the pierced ear. Luckily Jack was at the apartment that night, like most Friday nights, and he said that he too had had an earring when he was young.</p><p>''Not this time, but maybe someday, yeah.''</p><p>Right now, he's not really into it, but maybe someday he'll want to try it. It's true that for the last two months, he's been trying a lot of things. When his grandparents took him in their arms when they came to bring Adrian home, it was a trigger for Victor. If they were able to accept him, it was definitely not his fault that his mother wasn't able to. <br/>
He doesn't really know if it was because of that, or if it was because he had had sex with Benji for the first time, but he felt totally free of a burden. </p><p>And ever since then, he just wants to be himself. So he started with the earring, but also stopped blushing when he talked about sex with Benji or even Felix. Felix gave him a box of lubricant with different tastes and sensations and Victor is more than happy to test them with Benji. They are now totally comfortable with each other and finally since 15 days, they are totally sure that they are versatile. And that's just wonderful.</p><p>What's great about Benji is that Victor feels that nothing he couldn't do will make him go away. And what Victor loves most is that Benji dares to be himself, too. Victor had to reassure him several times, and it hurt him each time to realize that Benji was kind of restricted in his relationship with Derek. At first, Victor felt really bad because he felt like he had to constantly reassure Benji. As if Benji was afraid that Victor would get tired of his loving gestures. But now that he's sure that Victor loves his romantic side, he's really himself and that's wonderful. Victor could never get enough of it. </p><p>Three days ago, Benji sent him an audio recording of his last song written for Victor at two in the morning. And even though it woke Victor up in the middle of the night, he couldn't have been happier. </p><p>And that's why he decided to do what he's about to do now. </p><p>''I think tonight we have a special guest with us,'' Justin says over the mike, ''a round of applause for my favorite gay baby!''</p><p>The bar immediately fills to capacity with applause, shouting and whistling. Some of them even wave a rainbow flag. Victor lets go of Benji's hand and Benji is speechless when Victor walks to the piano on the stage.</p><p>''Hi, everybody, I'm Victor. I'm lucky enough to have met an amazing guy who has made me want to accept who I am and I'm crazy in love with him. And I must be lucky, because, he loves me, too. So tonight, on his first night in New York, I wanted to dedicate this song to him. Because clearly, that's how he makes me feel."</p><p>Victor takes a slight breath and starts playing without taking his eyes off Benji. He has only played 4 or 5 notes when he sees the tears streaming down Benji's face. Simon immediately puts his arm around his shoulders.</p><p>Victor stops playing and moves closer to the microphone.</p><p>''Oh yes, I forgot to apologise in advance if there are French people in the room. I have a terrible accent. Sorry.''</p><p>He starts playing again as laughter is heard, and he sings, in French, this song he's been learning for two months in his spare time.</p><p>He translated all the lyrics into English in order to understand what he has to sing, and it's true, that's exactly how Benji makes him feel.</p><p>
  <em>He says words of love to me, Everyday words, And I feel something</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He came into my heart, A share of happiness, Whose cause I know...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's him for me, me for him in life.</em>
</p><p>His favourite passage is definitely the last verse, even if it is the most difficult to pronounce in French. Victor looks at the crowd for two seconds, hoping not to make a massacre of the song, but everyone smiles.</p><p>
  <em>Nights of love to end, A great happiness that takes its place, Trouble and sorrow fade away, Happy, happy to death.</em>
</p><p>His eyes fall on Benji and his heart starts beating even faster. Yeah, definitely, this song was written for him.</p><p>
  <em>And as soon as I see you, Then I feel in me, My beating heart</em>
</p><p>He gets up to applause and almost jumps off the stage to join Benji and take him in a frenzied kiss.</p><p>"Victor, you're amazing," Benji says, holding him in his arms.</p><p>Victor looks at him and smiles.</p><p>''I'm just a guy who wanted a great love story. And you are my love story, Benjamin Campbell. You make me amazing."</p><p>And tonight, as he slips his hand into Benji's as he watches Simon snuggle in Bram's arms, Victor knows he'll be fine. Life won't always be easy, but he'll be fine as long as he's himself.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a big thank you to everyone who followed this fic ! have a nice day</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feel free to leave me a comment...</p><p>one day, one chapter ... so see you tomorrow for the rest</p></blockquote></div></div>
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